Your Body Isn't the Problem : Trauma, Weight Loss, & the Subconscious Mind

What if you don’t have a motivation problem?

What if the part of you that keeps procrastinating, self-sabotaging, overeating, shutting down, or choosing what’s comfortable is actually trying to keep you safe?

In this raw episode of Relentlessly Authentic, Rachael, Gaby, and Frank unpack what happens when willpower isn’t enough—and why lasting transformation often begins beneath the behavior.

Gaby vulnerably shares her experience surviving cancer, confronting painful experiences from childhood, and beginning to understand her relationship with weight through a completely different lens: protection, safety, self-worth, and the beliefs she had carried for years.

Because sometimes the body is only telling the story the mind learned long ago.

Frank brings the tough love, challenging the excuses, language, and patterns that can keep us comfortable while convincing us we’re trying to change. Rachael connects the conversation back to nervous system regulation, subconscious beliefs, identity, and why changing your life requires more than changing your habits.

Together, we explore:

• why self-sabotage can be rooted in subconscious beliefs and protective patterns
• the relationship between chronic stress, emotional regulation, body image, and weight
• why comfort and happiness aren’t always the same thing
• how the language you use reinforces the identity you believe you are
• EFT tapping, breathwork, hypnosis, and subconscious reprogramming
• why accountability matters—but shame rarely creates lasting transformation
• building an emotional regulation toolbox instead of depending on one coping mechanism
• what happens when you stop waiting to feel motivated and start becoming someone different

This isn’t another conversation telling you to try harder.

It’s an invitation to understand why a part of you keeps resisting the very change you say you want.

Because you can have the meal plan.
The workout.
The vision board.
The goals.

But if underneath all of it you still believe you aren’t safe, capable, worthy, or allowed to become someone different, you’ll keep finding your way back to what’s familiar.

If you’ve ever thought, “I know what I need to do… so why can’t I just do it?”—press play.

Maybe you don’t need more discipline.

Maybe it’s time to meet the version of you that’s been running the show.

Because the version of you who learned how to survive doesn’t have to be the version of you who leads the rest of your life.

Find Rachael on Instagram @highvibeyogii

Find Gaby on Instagram @rising.monarca and @gabrielafverdusco on Tik Tok 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:24

All right, welcome back. We've got a favorite back to the podcast. Welcome back, Mr. Frank. We're happy to have you.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Good morning. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Okay. So we were just on a roll there before we pressed record. And so, Frank, I think you were following up about our last podcast. I was talking about a client who I would have coached for free if she wanted to come and do this health coaching weight loss program. Gab, then you jumped in about where she might be at because follow up, she decided to not do the program. And so we were kind of saying where she might be at from a mental point of view. And Gab, you were talking about your story, which I don't know if many of the listeners know that you had cancer. So why don't you fill us in there?

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Yeah. So I got diagnosed with cancer. I've had cancer a couple of times, but the last time I had a mass on the left side of my like right under my breast, like where my chest is. I was just saying that we were talking about how Frank had asked, like, where she's at, right? I guess for people that maybe haven't been overweight or that haven't struggled with weight loss to that capacity, it's hard to understand how somebody can't do it, right? How somebody can't force themselves to get to the point where they're losing weight. I was just saying, like, so many things play a factor. And Frank was asking, is it more mental? And I said, absolutely. It is more mental. The work, I always say this, the work is inside out. You know, you need to really work on your mental health and your mindset has to be very strong. Your willpower has to be very strong. And like I was saying, you even have to show up even when you don't want to. You have to show up when nobody's looking. You have to show up even when you're not losing weight. You just have to keep going. And just like for me, I think being part of Yes Apply really helped me with techniques and modalities to help shift my mindset. So what did you do? Having a life coach.

SPEAKER_02 2:18

What did you do specifically? Like what tools or techniques were you doing, Gab?

SPEAKER_03 2:22

So I was working with Jess and we were doing a lot of EFT, a lot of tapping. About weight or just about emotions? No, it was actually all about emotions. Nothing, nothing about my like mindset work was ever about weight. That is the crazy part. It was always about emotions. None of the techniques I used were about weight. Like even the hypnosis that I did on myself at night, and I still do this, I put on a hypnosis right before I go to bed to listen to it because that is where the change happens. The change happens in your subconscious mind.

unknown 2:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

And so just to pause, the best time to do hypnosis or do a lot of subconscious work is in the morning and at night, you're in a different brainwave state. So you're able to, that information is able to sink in a lot easier, faster because you're in a different state of consciousness, essentially. And the other thing too is that I've I just learned this is that you can actually learn at night that while you sleep, if you continue to play affirmation or education or whatever, you can actually learn in your sleep, which I thought was fucking fascinating. Yeah, because you're subconscious.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

So you're in a like you're in a gamma brainwave, right? When you get into your deep sleep, you're in a gamma brainwave. And so that's like all your super subconscious mind and subconscious mind taking over right there. And even though you think you're not listening, you're actually being programmed.

SPEAKER_04 3:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

And I think that that helped astronomically for me. It was all about emotions. It was all about letting go of all the trauma, all the beliefs, right? All the programming, unlearning. All yeah, you have to do all the unlearning before you can relearn. That's so true. I think a lot of people don't understand that, you know, don't understand anything. I have to learn this and I have to learn a new way of thinking. No, you have to unlearn first before you can relearn the new ways, right? It's that tower crumbling, right? It has to completely crumble to the ground in order for you to rebuild a stable foundation in order for you to then build on top of, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

I also think space, right? So like when you're unlearning, you're then creating more capacity.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Yeah, you're letting space for actually letting things go, right? You're releasing all of this energy. And I always tell people that I tell them it's not just about like processing, it's also about letting it go, right? Because when you let it go, then you're making space for you to be able to have the capacity to be able to learn new techniques, new modalities, new somatics, right? To help you then, you know, become stronger, more resilient, and be able to, you know, then relearn these new ways of living.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

What did you let go mentally that was more compelling in the sense of being able for you to push through?

SPEAKER_03 5:14

I'm just curious because there were some things that happened to me when I was young that I completely blocked out of my mind. I didn't even remember it existed. It actually came up when I went to I we talked about this rage, when I went to Danny Morale to the conference, to the personal development conference. And we did like that really deep breath work. And when I did the breath work on the third day, I think it was, I started not in that moment, but that later, like I say, a lot of these things are delayed. So like four or five days after I came, I started remembering that there was some like sexual abuse that had happened, you know, when I was young, when I was around 11 years old. And it was actually done by someone that was part of a church, you know. And then that really made sense for me because then I was like, like, this is where the resistance is with religion, right? Because these people are supposed to be leaders in churches and they're doing these things and brainwashing people telling them that God's telling them to do this. Like they're the chosen ones, right? And we should be honored that this is happening to us because they're like descendants of God or whatever, right? But I had completely blocked these things out of my mind, right? Because I don't know, I guess it's just a trauma response, right?

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:33

I didn't remember any of these things happening. And then when these things started to come up, and there was also another incident with one of my like several incidents with one of my cousins and stuff that I had just totally blocked out of my mind. I didn't even remember that these things had happened until I really started to do the work. So it is true, guys.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Like when you start digging, things are gonna come up, you know, things that you have no idea you're gonna have to deal with for further processing and how much energy you're actually expending, keeping all of that covered, right? To keep that out of your mind. And I think part of the releasing is releasing the pain of that, the trauma, processing that, but also all of the energy that then comes online when you are no longer expending your energy trying to keep things unconscious. And I think I I had this kind of aha moment this week. I don't think it's that we don't have time. I think most people just don't have energy. And I think we don't have energy because of the like foods that we're eating, but and like our lifestyle. But I think most of the time it's because of how much trauma we are stuffing down that we are not even aware of, that we again, because it's unconscious. We don't even realize it.

SPEAKER_03 7:47

And all also, yeah, but also, Rach, like I really had to take a moment because I was like, okay, I'm processing this, I'm learning this about myself. I am having the surgery, you know, the surgery to for cancer, you know, I'm dealing with those emotions. I'm having to go to work. I'm having to be a mom. I'm having to be a wife. I'm having to on top of everything that was being uncovered, I was doing all these other things, not to mention the grocery list, the appointments, the conferences, the swimming, you know, it's like there's so much. There's so much that you you're just like, I'm not dealing with this right now. This is just gonna go back into this box and it's gonna stay there until I have the capacity to be able to deal with it. But once it was uncovered, it could not be covered anymore. And let me tell you, I learned that the reason I was overweight was more about me almost like protecting myself. If I'm this big, nobody's gonna turn and look at me. Nobody's gonna turn and touch me. That means that nobody's gonna ever hurt me, harm me again. It's just I am not somebody that's attractive, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Like it's because you it's an escape goat, right? It's an escape goat, and you have your easy way out in that sense. Because originally this conversation spurred because I had said I looked at my calendar last night and I realized, oh shit, we have a podcast this morning. And mind you, I was telling Rachel that I could have easily canceled, like a lot of people do when they don't feel like doing something. But holding yourself accountable to what you committed to is so important to your own self-growth and your self-belief and self-trust. Trusting yourself, you know. And I feel like a lot of people, like in the case of weight loss, they look for an escape coat themselves. I've heard people tell me, like, oh no, I like being this big, really. You know what I mean? Like, really, like, oh no, this is what I like. This is my healthiest version. But then the thing is, is that when I catch them motivated for three or four months, all of a sudden they're trying to shed the pounds off. And me, because I feel like a good friend will say the toughest things. That's my belief, you know? And I said, Hey, I thought you liked being that way. He's like, No, it's healthier this way. I said, Hey, I'm gonna hold you to this because you used to say that I like being this big and blah, blah, blah. You're telling lies just so you can use that as an escape goat, you know. But the thing is, is that if you don't hold yourself accountable and you don't stick to your words, even with your personal self, like I was telling you right before Gab got on, I could have easily just said, you know what, I'm gonna sleep it and I'm just gonna make an excuse. There's no consequences or no, but there is a big consequence to it. There's a very, very, very big consequence because you guys would have still truly done and did your thing, but there's a big consequence for my personal self. I committed to something, I lied, I made an excuse, I didn't hold myself accountable. Now I'm dealing with four energies that I'm entering my day with. And how could I expect trust? How could I expect goodness? How could I expect someone to be genuine if I started off my day doing the opposite? So I think like with any weight loss journey, kind of what Gab said is that internally is what matters because I think I'm capable, like if I wanted to lose 20 pounds because I wanted to be, I don't see it as hard. I see it as easy, I see it as attainable because once I set my mind on something, it's laser, it's a laser, right? So I think with anything, it's not the physical because you're what your brain says and believes your body will follow for the bad or good, right? And if you say, like, yo, I'm not gonna cook breakfast this week and I'm gonna buy McDonald's every single day, your body follows to the trial real quick. So I think explaining to chat or whatever how to get your mindset there and the process, because I think a lot of people are processing not how not to process it and how not they don't know how to get there mentally. Yeah. So the physical body follows, you know. And for me, I'm really, really tough on myself, almost abusive to myself. But the thing is, that's what motivates me, that's what gets me hungry. I talk a lot of shit to myself, a lot of shit to myself, but it's what fuels me. That's what works for me, you know. A soft version, like, hey Frank, you could do this, that doesn't work. But I think people finding the process of what motivates them mentally, you know, and I think people using pain to be inspired is actually good. People using like some sort of anger and channeling in that to something good, you know, like if you're against drugs or you're against people being overweight or unconfident because you were that way, that could fuel you. I don't want people to feel what I felt. So I'm gonna help as many people. That's a good way to channel your trauma, like I guess initiate that into other goodness.

SPEAKER_04 12:57

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah, Gab, your journey is a great thing, but I think understanding how to get your mindset there is what people are probably more attracted to. They want to know how, like, how do I get my mind there? How do I put myself in position so I could action can follow, you know? So maybe in that case, like they don't have some people don't have access to a lot of people like you guys, you know. Some people only have them and their mom and their two kids, you know, like so. They need sometimes need to pull it out themselves, you know? And yeah, some people are not as fortunate of having as good friends and good people around them, but the the how do they do that? I think is the question that people would like to hear, you know.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

And this is the thing, is like I've told Rach so many times, like for me, being a life coach is astronomically important, but more so than like I'm always being told, like I was always told, like, no, your prices are too low, like you need to charge like way more, like you need to go and do help CEOs. And but that's not what I that's not like those are not the people that I'm wanting to help. Because I was once one of those people, like you said, Frank, that that didn't have the resources, right? I was once one of those people and looking for a coach that was feasible was almost impossible, you know? So I really, really want my my area of expertise is really helping people within my community, women, women who have husbands, women that don't work that have husbands that are gonna be like, I'm not gonna pay a life coach for you, you know? Women that just really want to make a difference. And I might not be able to work with them one-on-one, right? Because there does have to be an energy exchange there. But I can for sure put together like a little group, right? In a place, like a community center where they can gather and we can talk about these things, and I can give them at least the tools to get started.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Okay, y'all. I'm interrupting this episode for something really exciting because I'm officially opening the applications for the abundance activation retreat in Greece. And honestly, this is gonna be such a fucking vibe. I'm so excited. I'm so excited about the women who are already joining. Uh, so if you are a soul who has been craving expansion, softness, adventure, sisterhood, healing, abundance, and a deeper connection to your feminine energy, this is your sign to join the vibe tribe in Greece. This is a seven-day yoga, Pilates, feminine embodiment retreat through the Greek islands for the woman who's tired of holding her entire life together through stress, pressure, overthinking, and survival mode, and is ready to step into a completely different energy. Because abundance isn't something you hustle for, it's something you open yourself up to receive. We'll move our bodies overlooking the sea, regulate our nervous system, dance under the stars, and have bougie boat days, deep conversations, incredible freaking Greek food, beach clubs, sunsets, healing, laughter, and the kind of experiences that generally change you forever. Because sometimes you don't need another tool, technique, or strategy. You need a new environment, you need a moment to pause, a new frequency, a new energy to help remind you of who you really are. After my first time in Greece, everything really shifted for me, not just externally, but internally. I trusted myself more, I trusted the universe more, I stopped forcing life so hard. I felt supported, guided, and deeply connected to creation, possibility, and magic. And that's exactly the energy, the vibe of this retreat. So you've been waiting for a sign to stop playing small, to start going after what you truly want, to start saying yes to your next big level, then this is it. You can apply or reach out to me via Instagram for more information. I seriously cannot wait for this experience and to experience this magic with you.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

The problem here, what I will say, Frank, is that I have found that when you do not charge anything, yeah, people don't value it. People don't value it. People don't put the work in. Okay. There's no skin in the game. There's no accountability for them. There's not like, well, I paid $150, so I better do this, right? If you charge $20, guess what? They're gonna be like, ah, it's like personnel training, right? Like if you charge $20, nobody, they're gonna cancel all the time because they're gonna be like, it's just $20.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

But if you charge them $150, Frank, you have an internal dialogue that and an internal voice that you answer to. I think most people are so disconnected from the things that they say that they want and the reality of what it takes to actually change. People say they want the change, but they're not in an emotional, energetic space to follow through with the change or follow the plan. And so, like Gab's saying, I think you have to have some sort of accountability energy exchange where they actually value what they're about to do. Because when you say something's free, people have no value to it. And so what that does from a brain perspective is when you value something more, your actual prefrontal cortex makes you focus on it more. So a lot of people that is money related, or it is the primal desire related money, body, time. Exactly. When it is more primal desire and they have a value to that primal desire that again, internally they have a value for, they're more likely to show up. They're more likely to do something. That's why the soft aspect, like the soft marketing, the soft this and that, the soft way of talking things doesn't really work because internally, primally, they have to have a certain amount of fire that they're gonna put their feet to the fire. And so, how badly do you want it? And again, I think most people are so fucking numb, so fucking disassociated, so fucking shut down, so fucking mentally pessimistic that they don't even allow themselves to dream. They don't even allow themselves to think of something better. They don't even have the to think that anything's going to change. So they're settled. That's like the thing gap about like it's not that people don't have time, so they don't have energy. Their energy is so stifled by all the programming, all the conditioning, all the trauma, all the environmental circumstances that they are like telling themselves that this isn't gonna work. So, like we've said, because they think it's not gonna work, the reality of their reality is that it's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

No, and nothing changes if nothing changes. And let me tell you, it's not even just the mindset. It's like you have to change everything, right? And I saw you how long it's been since I turned on a TV. It's been months. I don't watch TV at all. You know, my cousin came in here the other day and she's like, hey, cousin, because I'm here staying with her. And she's like, You have a big ass TV in here. She's like, I never see you watch it. And I'm like, No, I don't watch TV. She's like, What?

SPEAKER_00 20:27

You don't watch TV?

SPEAKER_03 20:28

I don't watch like all of these things are like fundamental for your growth. You know, like removing yourself from like the junk, right? The reality shows, the news, the media, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:40

And imagine how much time you would have, how much more positivity. Turn the fucking news off, right? Like you have to get devoted to the fact that your brain takes in all of this shit, and you have to be the one that's the protector of your fucking self. You want something in your life to change, you have to start to change all of your inputs.

SPEAKER_03 20:59

Everything around you has to change. The people you surround yourself with, like this is what we were talking about, right? Like, you know, like my circle is so small, small. Like maybe three, four people that that I interact with on a regular basis, you know? And yes, it's fucking lonely. It's fucking lonely, especially right now where I'm at, because my kids are not living with me anymore, you know? But these moments, these pivotal, these are pivotal moments in your life that will change you, that will grow, you grow through what you go through, you know? And I can't emphasize that enough. Like all these things have to change. And you don't have to do it all at once. That's the thing, right? You don't have to do it all at once. It's I always tell clients choose one thing, one thing that you're gonna change this week and work on that. And then the next week you can pick another thing and change that, right? But you have to keep the mindset stuff going, you know? It's not gonna take two, three months to change your subconscious mind. To reprogram yourself, to unlearn everything. It's taken me years to get to the point of where I'm at, and I'm still not where I want to be, you know? So it really is just a lot of work. And I think it does take a really strong-minded person, you know. I've had everything, I've had everyone tell me that. I mean, just the other day, my dad was telling me, like, ever since you took that coaching program, you've changed so much. You know, you're not the same person anymore. I don't like who you've become. Yeah, because guess what? I'm no longer a people pleaser. I'm no longer somebody that can be controlled. I'm no longer somebody that can say, you need to do this. And I'll be like, okay, dad, I no longer do that. I'm like, no, I'm not gonna do that because I don't want to do it, you know? But why? I don't have to tell you why. I'm not, I'm just not gonna, I'm no longer that person. So a lot of people are not gonna like who I've become.

SPEAKER_01 22:54

Growing, right? If you're not changing, you're not growing. And I think, you know, your dad liked that version because maybe he was benefiting off that woman. No, let me tell you why. I'm not talking crap or nothing, but I see a lot of parents loving that their kids do a lot for them and continuously do a lot for them. And I've noticed that sometimes parents will take advantage of some kids because of their kindness and so helpfulness, and they start depending on their kids when they're totally able still, you know. And that puts a lot of pressure on an adult, you know, because hey, can you do this? Hey, can you jump on the internet? Hey, can you send this email? Because I feel like some people at 50, 55, they're like, my life's over, I'm not gonna adapt. But you gotta adapt. You could easily have 25 years, 30, 40 years left in your life.

SPEAKER_02 23:44

A good life.

SPEAKER_01 23:45

Yeah, yeah. And and and I've noticed like with my mom years ago, but now, but it's just like, yo, I ain't doing that, you're totally fine. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but the thing is, I think it's more of they don't some people like the versions of the self of other people that's benefiting them. And I'm not like listening to your dad or nothing like that.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

We talked about this last episode. No, yeah, it's like they benefit from that.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

They think I think for my dad, it's not even that they that he it's it's selfish. It is selfish because what I I sat with this, I'm like, why? Why does he not want me to because I don't do anything for my dad, he's very independent, he does everything himself. But what I do think is that if I'm following what he says, which is he wants his thing, is he wants me to go to church with him on every Sunday, he wants me to be part of his rel of the religion, you know, he wants me to follow what God says because he's told me God's not happy with me. God's not happy with you. I don't think God's happy with you with the way the choices you've made. He feels like I should have stayed with my kid's dad because my kid's dad was offering to take care of me, and I didn't have to work and I could just stay at home and be a mom. Okay, that's not what I want to be, right? But in my dad's mind, he's very traditional, right? So he's like, oh, that sounds like a good deal, right? You stay there, you do that, you're complying. And then you go to church on Sundays, you know? And so if I listen to my dad, if I do what my dad, if I go backwards, right? And regress and become the version that my dad wants, guess what? My dad doesn't have to worry about me anymore, right? Right now, all he does is right. So yeah. It keeps him safe and he doesn't have to worry. Where's Gabby? Because right now he's like, Gabby, like you don't even call me. I don't know where you're at. I don't know if something happened. Like, where have you been? Like you've been gone for this many days. Like, where are you? You know?

SPEAKER_02 25:31

Again, he's like he's projecting his own fears, his own onto you.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

Yeah. And I'm like, I'm fine, dude. Like, I don't have to call you. I'm 46 years old. Like, I don't need to check in every day. He's like, well, just call me every day and tell me you made it here and you made it there. And I'm like, why? So I send him a text message every couple of days. Hey dad, still alive, love you. But yeah, that's what I realized. It's because he wants to know that I'm safe. He wants to know if he knows that I'm safe, that I'm in a little box at home and I'm following what Jesus Christ is it wrote in the Bible, and that, you know, I'm going to church on Sunday and I'm being a good girl, then guess what? He doesn't have to worry about me. He doesn't have to worry about me. And I was like, my gosh, I was like, but that's so selfish. That's so selfish, right? Like, if I'm following what his beliefs are, then I'm no longer being free. I'm no longer being me. I'm no longer living my life.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

That makes him more comfortable, regardless of what's best for you, or trusting it. Or regardless of the family's happy. Yeah, trusting you as an adult that you are a strong enough sense of self to do what's best for you. Like that's what support is, right? Like support isn't just support isn't, oh, you're just gonna do everything I tell you to do.

SPEAKER_03 26:45

That's not support. Right. But to me, Rach, I was like, how selfish does one have to be to be okay with your daughter going through what she was going through at her house with the individual, you know, like okay, you know, to be around harassment, around all the arguing, all the yelling, all the fighting, all this stuff, like as long as because at least you know where I'm at, and that's all that matters, you know.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

But he wasn't battling your happiness, right? And and then the thing is, is that if you didn't have the growth, the people pleasing would have been, I'm just gonna do what my dad says and just live that unhealthy life, right? And it's funny we're talking about this because it ties into what I told a bunch of people at work, right? It was a group of people, and what I was saying is like, hey, we only live one life, guys, you know, and people were talking about their marriages, people were talking about their friendships, like you gotta choose the happy life for yourself, right? And obviously you need to take care of your responsibilities, but if something's really not working, you have a choice. And I always hear people, oh, I don't have a choice. You have a choice.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

It's just fear will stop people from making that choice, or fear will, you know, like 100% and that internal, that internal scarcity, that internal fear, that internal yapping of all the things that could go wrong, all the things that you have to take action on if you choose to make that choice. And I we said this last podcast, Frank, and I said to Gab, I was like, you went through all the things you went through to get to the point, like the version of you that you are now, the past version of you might have stayed, might have just placated everybody, made everything else easy. I'm gonna be taken care of. So I'm just gonna stay. You've done all of this work to become the version of you who chose yourself, who chose what's best for you, healthiest for you, right? That to the outside looking into a healthy perspective that's not invested in emotionally in any of the situation, right? It's these stories will change, but you're in the midst of blowing everything up and everyone having to start to face themselves and the ways that they don't want to change and the ways that they don't want to grow. And you're the mirror for that. So you're being projected on everyone else's fears, everyone else's insecurities. And that's a lot to hold. But it is growth is uncomfortable. And most people, we've, I think, created a society that is in a lot of fear, that the conscious level is mostly fear. And so, Frank, going back to what you were saying to the guys, what was their response?

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Well, the thing is, is that I think they weren't comprehending it. I, or I think maybe they were comprehending it. It was more like this that I've been there, that in this internal, like, well, I can't do this, I can't try this, I can't go that direction because this and this and this didn't happen. I always say you got to choose happiness, you know, in the most responsible way. You gotta choose happiness because you only have one life, you know. And obviously, I'm not condoning bad stuff, but the thing is, is that if you're still discovering it, you still have urges with, I want to try this new career, but my wife doesn't want me to, you know, like you need to choose what's best for yourself because you got to live the left the rest of your life, you know? And and I told some young kid, probably we just hired some guy, he's about 20, he's in his early 20s. And I had told him, hey, you have a nice career now. Welcome on board, blah, blah, blah. And we were talking because I've known him. He was a part-timer, right? And I had told him, hey, one thing as you learn in life as you go, what you don't want is regret. I said, you don't want regret because regret is the root of all unhappiness. I should have done this when I was younger. I wish I would have tried this. I wish I. And the thing is, don't have regret. And I had told him, you have a girlfriend now, right? If you're feeling like this is not it, don't stay.

SPEAKER_02 30:42

Yeah. You know, because your time and hers.

SPEAKER_01 30:44

Yeah. And I said, don't stay because all of a sudden that all longevity kicks in now, you know, like this is what feels like I guess I have to do this because I've done this. I regret will kill you, you know. And I feel like a lot of people don't choose happiness, they choose comfort, right? And comfort, there's no growth, you know, like you're not gonna get a better body.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

It's a slow death, it's soul sucking. Why do you want to choose that? Like, I and I think that's the mentality that is hard that's hard for me at this point. But at the same time, I do believe in a divine timing for things for people. I do think there has to be some sort of divine intervention, divine moment, whatever, you know, that the higher power has a plan because that's the only thing that helps me find reason. That's the only thing that helps me like sleep at night. I think people change either through inspiration or desperation. And I really think that's the fucking truth. You either change because you're so desperate, you hit a rock bottom, or you change because you're really inspired. So you either change your environment and you bring people around you who are have an abundance mindset, like you're talking about, Frank, of choosing happiness or choosing yourself, Gab. Like there is a point where like you have to do, I think, a certain amount of work. And I think who you surround yourself with can be those expanders for you. That way you're not in the same environment with the same people with the same type of thinking. And that's expanding your vision of what can actually be true, right? And trusting that because you're like, oh, like this person's doing it, that person's doing it. And that means I can do it too. There's nothing special about anybody except that we're all special. But like, if someone else can do it, it's only proof for your mind that you can do it too. And unless a lot of people will see that as, oh, like comparison. So, what I wanted to say earlier too was I think back in the day, a few years ago, it was like, oh, like I can't start on social media because it's already so saturated. I can't start a business because it's so saturated. I can't do this because it's so saturated. That's such complete bullshit because there is so many people in the world who need your offer, your light, your wisdom, your soul. Like there are so many people in the world. And it's again, it's our own constructs of our own mind of what we keep repeating to ourselves of what is possible that is keeping you in your own fucking box. You have to get around people who break that box and shatter it because that is not true. That is absolutely not true. So the more Gabby, you show up and you show up for the people who really need you, like you said earlier, Frank, like like a lot of people want to know the how. How do you change your mindset? How do you regulate your nervous system? How do you take steps? You know, there are so many people in the world who do not have these tools. We think that just because this person has millions of followers on Instagram or they're making a million dollars, that we're separate from it. That's absolutely not true. If you can start to see that as if they can do it, I can do it, that is what is going to help you actually turn that into your reality because the mindset you have right now is keeping you exactly where you fucking are. And do you really want to stay there? Like similar to your friend. You really want to be overweight, right? Then you fight and you argue with yourself to stay where you are. Cause then you will. Or you can fight and argue with yourself and and to move where you actually want to go. And one is gonna feel much better than the other.

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Well, it's the eternal dialogue and belief. And it's funny because like, like as I get older, I'm getting wiser, right? And I'm even noticing the the even the smallest of things, right? So my son has playoffs this weekend, right? And I said, we were texting back and forth, and we just lost to the team that we're playing in the playoffs. And I text them, you know, you know, I hope we win. And then I sat there and I'm like, see, I don't want him to be in hope. Like I use hope instead of when we win, right? And then the thing is, is that he doesn't know, but I catch this one word and I'm like, Yeah, never again. Never again. Because it's not that he doesn't believe, but in the sense he wants it bad, right? And me using hope, that's fully, he's not fully there, you know, because he obviously he trusts me, and me and him is have such a close relationship. Subconsciously, that hope is like, no, when it leaves room for fear, yeah, it leaves room for doubt, it leaves room. So I'm like, and it's crazy because such a simple sentence, I hope we win. And then I was like, oh man, and I'm reading that one little sentence. I was like, all right, I need to fix that in like 10 minutes, right? So what I did was continue some other conversation, and then I came back around and then I rephrased it like hard, right? And then I called him and reiterated it, like, hey, we're gonna win because this and this and this, I'm making the adjustments. Watch, we will win and making these adjustments. So, in that sense, like that goes with anything. It's that internal dialogue. Like, if he kept saying, I hope we win this weekend, I hope we win this weekend, it leaves that little room. Mind you, we know in life there's winners and losers, but at least he's going into it in a different internal dialogue, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:49

But when he does that, when you say when we win, then there's almost like excitement about it instead of fear of like, oh, like, I'm really scared about this game, right? So then his energy he's gonna bring to the game is like, yeah, when we fucking win. And I'm sure with that energy, he probably will win. If he can get the entire team on board with that energy of when we win, clear eyes, full hearts can't lose, right? Like, you know, when we win, that's that what we say to ourselves is becomes how we feel about it.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

And that's with everything as adults, it's like, I hope I wake up in the morning to go to the gym. No, right in the morning to go to the gym.

SPEAKER_02 36:25

I am statements, right? I am X, I am Y, you know, and I think the part of this is too, is I think it closing the gap between where you are and where you want to go, right? Is what steps can we take to become that version today? Where then you just you are it. Not like when I become it, no, you just are it because you're already starting today, right? I am this, I am going to the gym, I am focusing on myself, I am choosing myself. How? What habits, behaviors, thoughts, actions are you doing today that is gonna make that future 100% true?

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Yeah, and there's always gonna be doubters, there's always gonna be this. Like, for example, I'm growing out my hair. A lot of people say, Hey, it looks ugly, it looks ugly. And I said, Do you really think I care about your thought process of I look ugly or not? I said, I'm good with a bald head, I'm good with long hair. I said, I don't care, you know, and it comes to that sense, like, because people are like, you don't have to get up at 5:30, go to the gym, just go later on. Like, nah, like, what are you trying to put down in me? This is what I want to do at this time.

SPEAKER_02 37:31

And so who cares what I do?

SPEAKER_01 37:33

Go care about what you do. Yes, yes, yes. And I I know like with the hair thing, it's just my friends being silly. But the thing is, is that when when it's on a bigger scale, this is small things are a practice scale for the big scale, right? And it says like you have to you have to focus on on what you know what's best for your happiness, right? And we know the truth. Someone that's overweight, they know it's not good for them. There's no longevity in it. Someone that that sulks and is negative, they know it. They know the truth, but they look for routes out, out the back door, excuses. I would say, like, just any reason to sound like like, no, this is what I want. Like the thing is them in a victim mentality, yes, victim to their circumstances, and it's easily seen, and I don't think they're aware of that. And it's funny because I'm older now, and it's just like, that's not it. That's not it. Like, you're lying to yourself, you're doing a disservice to yourself, and that's going back to everything ties in. That's going back to holding yourself accountable, like holding myself accountable. I said obvious first, I was gonna be here at seven. Trust me, I had a long week. I didn't sleep that much, and I said, Yes, I gotta get up. I gotta get up.

SPEAKER_02 38:46

And I'm sure, Frank, you're probably gonna go into your day with a lot better energy than you would have if you slept in.

SPEAKER_01 38:51

No, one 100%. I'm feeling good right now because it what I'm going into the day is like, yo, I could be counted on, I could count on myself. My word is valuable, you know.

SPEAKER_02 39:02

Like I said, and and people that gives you integrity, that you have a sense of integrity. And I think, you know, regardless of your friend might not have not realize he's doing this or not, and similar gab, I think, to your dad, it's like them trying to put doubt into you of like, oh, why don't you go later? It's like, let me poke and see how much I can kind of push you around, right? Like, let me see how much I can like have influence over you. Like, so like, are you gonna be kind of on my level, right? Or are you gonna be devoted and stand firm and no, this is who I am, this is what I do. And I think people like to poke and push to see how much again, I don't think it's conscious, but to see how much they can control you.

SPEAKER_01 39:44

Yeah, that that's so, so true. I think in human nature, yeah, primal, primal. Right. Power power over someone makes it feel good, yeah. Right. And it's not conscious because I believe people don't do this on purpose. I probably might have a couple habits of this too. That I'm pretty sure if you talk to 10 of my friends, you do this to do this, but it's just more of a uh it's primal, right? But within when you're talking to yourself on succeeding or whatever you want to achieve, losing weight, making more money, even getting a better habit. You really, really have to not give a fuck about what anybody says. And sometimes, in a sense, like, Gab, I know your dad was saying this, but my mom has said, Hey, you're meditating? What is it? Like, mom, you don't get it. You know, I feel like I feel I said, I don't care what you feel. You know what I mean? You know, like I tell my mom, like, I know what's good for me. Do you see me doing drugs, drinking alcohol, right? I said, No, you're just not accustomed to it because you know nothing about it, right? And I said, Mom, I'm doing fine. But in the sense she's thinking, she was thinking it was like all these rich. I was like, What are you talking about? Rituals. But the thing is, is because she knows no good nothing about it, and she's not coming out again.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

She's uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

She was trying to pretend bad about it, right? But sometimes the closest people, like, you shouldn't be doing this because this, how do you know what's best for myself? You truly know what's best for yourself. Do you have kids or you have a husband making sure your responsibility, everybody knows the basic responsibilities that you're supposed to follow. But then you have your internal goals, the things that you want out of yourself, and how to make you happy. And that everything starts with that internal dialogue. And that's why I've said in the past, mantras have worked for me that I feel that are very successful, and that self-talk is the most important because if you're pessimistic with yourself and you don't have belief and you're talking badly about yourself, all you're gonna do is project, projecting that into the day is all you're gonna, the energy that you're gonna get back, right? And in that sense, it it everything is is is is a big circle. So if you're like, man, all I need is like sad and negative people, and it's just it's if you're only if whatever you're receiving, you should put a reflection on yourself and see. Because all they're doing, people want to hang out with other the same. They want to be with the same, like it's like, yeah, that's why the sheep want to be with the sheep because it's easier to live. So, in the sense, like, you know, why do a lot of my friends like hip-hop? Because I like hip-hop, you know, like it's just certain vibe, you know, that you attract, right? But I think people don't understand, like, man, everybody around me is not doing this and not doing it. It must make it okay. It's not. If you have a burning desire that something feels wrong and that you don't want to be doing this no more, hey, it's okay to detach from your friends. You'll make new ones. I promise you, I promise you, you'll make new ones, you know? And eventually the right ones stay. Like-minded, you know. I like people that hold me accountable that can call me like, Frank, you're doing too much. You said too much, you need to shut the fuck up. Like, that's what I like. You know, so a lot of my friends are very like assertive and aggressive, vice versa. I'm very assertive and aggressive. So they can tell me, like, hey Frank, all right, my bad, my bad. You know, like take it down and audra.

SPEAKER_02 43:14

Yeah, yeah, but that's what I like.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

That's what I like with Fesper myself. Yeah, other individuals, it depends what you want, you know, but I think focusing on your internal self and then being aware of what's around you is actually what you're attracting based off your personal self, right? So you tend to take a big look.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

I said a big look in the mirror.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:38

And I think most people don't have that self awareness, and that's where the tools are, and that's why you do the tools.

SPEAKER_03 43:44

Actually, they a very famous quote by Jim Rohn that says have to work harder on yourself than you do on anything else. And it's very, very true.

SPEAKER_02 43:54

Because the dream and the desires don't work unless you do. Like the dreams and desires don't work unless you do.

SPEAKER_03 44:00

And if you don't work on your dreams, on your goals, on your own success, somebody else is gonna do it for you and what's the thing, and they're gonna hire you to do it.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

You know? Just the way it is. It's tough. I would say from someone starting from the bottom, that internal dialogue needs to get better. And when you say I can't do it, it needs to switch so I can. And if that internal dialogue just switches, that little tweak of I don't want to get up. No, I have to get up. It's different verbiage that you use within your internal self. That's all you need to do to take those initial steps. Because I'm pretty sure people are sitting in bed in doubt, in fear. You know, man, if I go to the gym, are people gonna be looking at me because I'm out of shape? Are they gonna be laughing at me because I don't know how to use this machine? Fuck them. Fuck what anybody thinks. And trust me, everybody's so focused on themselves, they're not focused on you. You know, and for whoever's trying to start out in anything, you gotta talk to yourself that works for you in the most strongest way. Yeah, that worked. You gotta beat yourself because there's two sides of you. And if you're like, I can't do it, no, I can't do it. And you have to have that little battle within yourself. I promise you, once you win that battle, everything will follow. And like Gab said, she did all the internal work. It wasn't even the physical.

SPEAKER_02 45:19

Once the internal work was set, the physical happens naturally, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 45:23

So I think like, right, like I think once I started to unlearn all these things, like I really feel like a lot of the weight just and I did have help. Look, I do take supplements, I did take vitamin shots, I did take things to help me with speed up my metabolism, right? And not be so hungry like I did. But the minute I started to do all this work, like the weight just came off. Like, and I wasn't even exercising at the beginning. I didn't start exercising until maybe seven or eight months after I had already shed like almost 50 pounds, you know. So a lot of it is, I do believe a lot of it is energetically, you know, all the stress to not have the stress anymore, to not have all your cortisol levels so high. Right. And so much inflation in the body. Your serotonin levels are rising, right? There's a lot more. As soon as I started to feel more like I had more energy, then I started exercising. Because I was like, okay, like now I have energy.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

I mean, from a health coaching perspective, like that's what we prescribe. It's like get your nutrition under control first, lose weight. Once you have the energy, then go work out, right? So you're not adding more stress to an already stressed and dysregulated body. And when you do that, you go only give yourself more inflammation because exercise is stress, right? Exercise, you're pumping a muscle, you're making it bigger, you're inflaming it, right? That is a stress on a body. So when you're already dysregulated, you're in survival mode, you're anxious, like going to do an intense workout is only going to exacerbate those cis symptoms. And I'm not saying that some people don't need to get disciplined, they do, but like we're talking about, when we work from the inside out, then you start to like relax, regulate your nervous system, gain energy, then next step, go do that. But like we're saying, we need to gradually do things and not expect that we're gonna change our whole life overnight. It's what tools can we start to use. And the more we're like we're talking about you change your internal dialogue and you change internally. In my opinion, when you become more regulated, it's much easier. You have much more energy to actually do all the things you say you want to do. Instead of forcing, instead of put like going against the grain, going against the flow, you flow to it more naturally because you have your you want it and it's easier. You have more energy to do it. So it's like you have to do things, I think, in my opinion, a little bit step by step. Yeah. And it becomes easier.

SPEAKER_03 47:52

But also, Rach, do you think, don't you think that like when so I'm I so a couple things. So I used so prior to me gaining all this weight, I was pretty athletic. You know, I worked out every day, I lifted weights, whatever. So one thing I want to say is like muscle does have memory. The minute I started to lose weight, my muscle, the muscle in my body came back like this. Like I noticed it within a few weeks. I was like, wow, like, you know, like the definition started to come back pretty, pretty quickly. Yeah. Secondly, like when you do the work from the inside out, the weight does not come back. Where prior to me doing all this mindset work, I would, I would have muscle, but I would like, it was like a lot of like up and down weight gaining, right? Like I would lose the weight, I would go up, I would go down, like all pretty much all my life. And I found that now that I've done this, like I could go to, I've been moving, right? So I went a couple weeks without working out much. I worked out one day, one week, and maybe two days the next week. And I haven't gained any weight. There's been no weight gain. And there's no more emotional eating. I only eat if I'm hungry. I'm not craving, I don't crave McDonald's. I don't crave junk food. I don't crave any of that stuff. Very rarely will I want ice cream or something, you know? So it's been kind of interesting to see that, right? After I've lost all this weight and gained muscle and all this stuff again. It was kind of like a test for me to go through this and the amount of stress that I'm dealing with, right? With all the emotional stress of not being with my kids and being away from home and feeling lonely and ex-wedzy, right? The stress of finding my own place and dealing with my dad and dealing with my kids' dad, you know, and all these things, like a lot of emotional stress. I thought for sure I was gonna gain weight. For sure I was gonna go back to like emotional eating. For sure I was gonna, but it hasn't happened.

SPEAKER_02 49:49

Because your identity has changed, in my opinion. Yeah. Like you're no longer that person anymore. And that's what I mean too by working inside out. When your identity changes, where this is just who I am now, again, you take on the identity of I'm a healthy person. What does a healthy person do? They take care of themselves, they go out, they work out because they feel good. It's not from an energy of desperate, I have to change. It's that I want to take care of my body, right? Those are two different energies. I think when your identity starts to shift, identity shifting is what makes your behavior start to shift. And I think that happens very much more natural when we work from the inside out.

SPEAKER_03 50:27

But also like the reason for me losing weight, the reason for me exercising is no longer because I want to look like this or I want to look like that, right? It's more like I want to feel stronger, I want to have more energy. Those are my goals rather than like, oh, because I want to be in a bikini or I want to walk around wearing this or whatever, right? It's also getting love. Where prior, I think, or prior it was, and also like so many other people do it for that reason, right? And I feel like when you're doing it for that reason, it's already has a different vibration. Yeah, you're in a different frequence, mind frequency. It's more like a negative thing. Where when you're doing it because you want to be healthy, because you want to feel stronger. Like I just joined a gym here and they're like, so what's your goal? I'm like, I want to be stronger. That's my goal. That's like my number one goal right now is I just want to feel stronger, you know?

SPEAKER_01 51:21

I use the gym for more of like a detox and relief stress. Decompress. And mind you, obviously being in shape comes with it, but it's not my top goal. My top goal is like, hey, I need to decompress and just let whatever like the gym is tied into anything emotionally bad or any sadness. Not saying I'm sad, but I'm saying if there's an ounce of sadness in my day, it gets you're processing, it gets flushed out through the gym. And all that stuff gets flushed out because everything gets channeled and my energy gets fueled off that. And then it so the sadness fuels the energy, or or or if I'm feeling mad or whatever, and mind you, it's minimal, but I'm saying that's what fuels the workout, and then all it does is just flush its way out down. Because I've noticed, like, say I got mad about something, a stressful day, or whatever, those days are actually my most energetic days in the gym because I've channeled all that energy into this flush system. But the thing is, is that what I've learned, I've actually counted on that. And I think to put all my eggs in one basket is not a good thing, right? And so what I'm in the process of doing is being able to channel that energy and finding other routes to flush out because I don't want just one or two routes. I want five routes, you know, that I could flush out a toolbox. And so I'm in the process of that right now of finding different ways to flush out any feelings or emotions that I don't want, right? And it's definitely a hard journey, you know, because I feel like some people are read to flush things out, meditate with their. I know somebody that does breath work. But you get what I'm saying? And I think it's to be dependable that you have different tools in your toolbox to be able to find ways to flush out.

SPEAKER_02 53:15

To regulate, like that's what you're saying. Find ways to regulate my emotions, right? Yes. To find ways to regulate and what's the word you just said, to direct them, right? How do I direct this energy into something productive for me to work through this, regulate, and let it go?

SPEAKER_01 53:32

Yeah, I wish I could tell everybody how to channel that, but I don't know. Channel. Yeah, I don't know how to channel, because I know people are dealing with fear and sadness and aggressiveness and anger. I don't know how I channel that into these things and then it flushes out. It kind of operates in itself. Maybe it's a deeper conversation that we could have later. Because for some reason it comes in bad, then I use that energy, fuel it up, it works its way up, and then I flush it out. It's a cycle, right? But I don't know how I channel it. Like I don't know why it does it that way. It works for me, and I'm very grateful for it because it keeps me in shape my whole damn life. But the thing is, is that maybe that's where people are stuck. They're trying to channel this energy of it.

SPEAKER_02 54:20

They don't know how to channel it.

SPEAKER_01 54:21

And they don't know how to channel it. Whether it's hiking, reading, running, gym, meditating, mushrooms, swimming. I, you know, you need to find a way to channel that because it helps me, it makes my life fantastic. It makes my mind clear. Like, yeah, I feel like I'm an airhead at times in quotations because like I'm just like, I don't even care about this. I I just don't even and I'm grateful for that because like that airheadness, you know, that phrase people always see, but like something about being mentally free. Yes, is like it didn't work out.

SPEAKER_02 54:58

Um it's light, you have a light energy, right? You're lighter, you're happier, you're healthier, you're clearer, you're freer, you're alive, right?

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Because you don't have it's the chronicles of not giving up up.

SPEAKER_00 55:13

Yeah, exactly. And I always tell people, just don't give a fuck. It's probably one of my top five phrases used. Just don't give a fuck. What do you mean?

SPEAKER_01 55:21

There's so many barriers for people. I need to know how to explain that a little bit better because like I always just say, just don't give a fuck. Well, it's easy for you to say, and I'm like, I don't know how else to be. Like, if somebody says this, oh, I don't care, like, what do you mean you don't care? Oh, I don't give a fuck. I'm cool. I'm like, I'm already past that, I'm walking this way. And I'm like, what?

SPEAKER_02 55:39

But he's well, I think a lot of the time people care about what other people say because there's a part of them that believes it, right? They believe there's a part of them that believes it. So if they believe what the student is saying is true, that that they care because they care that that someone sees that in them.

SPEAKER_01 55:56

Okay, there's everything to explanation.

SPEAKER_02 55:59

Because it's confirming confirming how they already feel about themselves. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:04

Because they care so much. Look at that. You figured it out.

SPEAKER_03 56:08

We add meaning to everybody's judgments. Absolutely. That's why I don't give a fuck anymore. Because nobody can convince me that the way I'm choosing to live my life, the choices I've made, yeah, because she broke with because my intuition is so strong and I have so much belief in that trust and trust in myself that I know what I'm doing. And nobody knows more than me what I want in my life. So anybody can tell me whatever they want, but I have trust in myself. I've got my own back. Yeah, exactly. I love myself and I'm gonna protect that. I'm gonna protect that. So we add meaning to other people can say, Oh, you're this, you're that. Cool. I don't care, you know.

SPEAKER_01 56:48

That's a good explanation because maybe, yeah, because their personal dialogue, like, man, I would have cared if I heard that, blah, blah, blah. Right. But yeah, because I'm constantly saying, yo, just don't care. Like, who cares? Like, I I say that so much, you know.

SPEAKER_03 57:02

You should tell them, hey, bro, why do you, why do you believe that about yourself? Like, come on, like, you know, you need to strip that belief out of your out of your vocabulary.

SPEAKER_02 57:11

So here's here's something that my mentor taught me. When you have that negative thought about yourself, pause. Say, I forgive myself for thinking that and I choose to believe X. I forgive myself for thinking X and I choose to believe Y instead. So you're pausing, you're interrupting that thought pattern, you're replacing it with something positive. So I choose, I forgive myself for thinking I'm fat. I choose to believe that I'm getting healthier, right? Forgive yourself because that's self-acceptance and self-love and not making that thought necessarily wrong because you probably learned it somewhere. And then you're choosing, I choose to believe why. I'm choosing to believe something else. I'm telling myself a different story because that's no longer, that's not actually true. So uh I think just starting with that is someplace that a small tool that someone can use. But yeah, Frank, I think that's exactly what's going on. And I think we talked about this last time of like we wanted to do a podcast just about like not giving a fuck. But I think peeling back the layers of why people give a fuck is because they actually believe that about themselves or they have a subconscious belief. And that's they care so much.

SPEAKER_01 58:18

And I think, like I always say, don't give a fuck in the most respectful way, you know, and your mind is just like it's so clear. It's almost like I said, it's a little airheady because it's like I walk out, I'm very observant and aware, but I don't attach myself, like, oh, they're talking this. I don't attach none of it. Like if they ask for my opinion, I always give an honest assessment. But to me, to be a true leader, to be a person of change, you're gonna say things that people don't agree, and you and you have to stand in the truth of who you are. And then and it's a common theme with me, and I think that's why I've gained respect and love and people genuinely care about me, because you're always gonna get my honest assessment. And I have no fear, I've never, I'm never disrespectful, but I have no fear of like how that's gonna make you feel because you asked me a scary question. Now I'm giving you a scary answer. And don't get mad if I say something that triggers you, you know, because I'm speaking from my truth and my knowledge and my wisdom. But in that sense, I notice a lot of people will like, I don't want to say that because I don't want to hurt his feelings or hurt her feeling, but they're asking you, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 59:31

What sign are you, Frank? What sign are you? I was gonna say, I think are you an Aquarius? Are you an air sign?

SPEAKER_01 59:36

No, I I was I'm uh the borderline Sagittarius and Scorpio because Scorpio's November 22nd, I think, and I'm November 23rd.

SPEAKER_03 59:45

No, November, Scorpio's November 20th. The last day is November, me. I'm November 21st.

SPEAKER_01 59:51

November 23rd. Yeah, so I like at first when you're growing up, like, man, if I say this, that fuck, I might get a room people, I might get three, four people mad at me. But they're also like, but they asked me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:04

And so we've gotten too concerned about hurting people's feelings.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:07

Uh huh. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:08

I think we've gotten too, I think we've swung the p pendulum a little too far in terms of like, oh, I don't want to hurt their feelings.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:15

I think we live in. I don't think.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

I do believe in a little bit of tough love. I think if but there needs to be safety around that, right? Like, I I wouldn't just go up to someone be like, you know, say X, Y, or Z. Right. But like there is a you have to have a certain amount of safety and trust. And I think that's probably why your friends trust your opinion, because they know that you love them. And because you love them, you're willing to tell them the tough truth that everyone would just give them the surface level because they don't really care that much. And I just want to do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:43

I think that's when a good friend, a good friend, a son, a good daughter, a father, they're saying the truthful things, you know? And yes, I told my mom some truthful things. Trust me, just recently, I don't, my mom's probably gonna listen to this, but just recently, I told her some crazy truth because and I was like, don't forget your truth, you know what I mean? Like, and but the thing is, I think that's what helps the vulnerability develops that connection. Because I could lie to my kids. Oh, you did great this last game, you did this. I told my son, he's an 11-year-old, very like aggressive, and he's like a little masculine boy, you know. And I told him, Hey, how did you think you played? He's like, I'm the reason we lost. I said, No, no. I said, You had a good game, it was an okay game, it wasn't your best game, it definitely wasn't your worst game. You had a subpar about a C plus, B minus game. I said, which is fine, right? Which is totally fine. You want A plus games. We all want A plus games, but I guarantee you today wasn't an A plus game. You made, I said, what mistakes did you make? Because I feel like when you tell people you ask them the questions, he's like, Well, I did this, this, and this. I said, those last two things were just bonehead, like like just straight bonehead. And he's like, I know. The thing is, is that being truthful like that is actually developing him to hold accountability. And then when he goes into something next time, I made this mistake and this mistake. I I'm aware of what I did that was really wrong in the game. Okay, now I know how to prepare for this. So all week he's mentally preparing for whatever his ritual is, but this goes within everything. But I think true friendships, they say the people say the most honest things because they care. And like I always I don't believe everybody's always telling me the truth. So when I tell them, yo, tell me the truth. Tell me what you really believe. Because I'll ask real questions. Hey, where did I fuck up, bro? What did I say something wrong? I was like, tell me the truth. Like, you ain't gonna hurt my feelings. I just want to grow, right? Well, I think you you were a little mean here. And I'll look at it, all right, mental no awareness, I'll fix my approach next time. Good looking out, homie. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:58

Like, well, because it doesn't shake your sense of self. So I think that that's what comes into play. I think when people don't want to hear certain things about themselves is because they believe already that to be true. So that makes them think they're less than. When you have a strong sense of self, you're not afraid to take responsibility because it doesn't shake your belief in who you are at your core, right? At your heart. And you know that it's kind of like a growth mindset, right? Of like, okay, if I can take responsibility for this, I know where I messed up. That means I could become better. Like that's a win. It's not like a weakness. That's a win that I can look at this area of my life, I can look at it and reflect on that and take responsibility, apologize, move forward, forgive myself, and keep going on. And it doesn't become something against them. Yeah, but it's I don't think you can hear it when you are defensive, when you are in pain, because it's it's like you're almost like self self-actualizing it. Instead of just being like, you know what, that is true. I can get better, I can move forward, I can change and make the change. The most important thing you're telling me things that I already know.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:04

Right? The truth hurts.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:05

Unfortunately, it does, but the truth will set you free.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:09

Yeah, exactly. But the truth will set you free. I think individuals and whoever's listening, the people that are telling you the truth are probably the best people for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:19

Absolutely. Well, because they're fucking real. You're real.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:23

And lately, for whatever reason, as I've been growing on social media and I get DMs, and I take it as the biggest sign, the biggest compliment of my life, you know, is there there's a constant thing that people say about me, which makes me feel amazing, which I'm not really attached to words, but this one word that people continuously tell me, and they keep telling me, Frank, you're so authentic. And I don't know why it feels like that's the best compliment ever. Huh? I said that's the best compliment ever. And mind you, I don't I'm not a person that really attaches to words. Like it doesn't really do a lot, but when it's like a constant thing that people keep calling me authentic, and I'm like, being authentic is the dopest thing because you get to be your authentic self.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:10

And you feel comfortable and safe in that authenticity, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:05:13

Yeah, and I think everybody should. It makes me feel good, but I think people veering towards trying to be authentic is actually accepting people that tell the truth and don't be afraid to tell the truth.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:27

You know, to me, I think you have to be okay with being disliked, and I think that's the big key. And not giving it to. Right. If you're authentic, you're not afraid of being disliked. You're not afraid of being the one who's different. You're not afraid of being the one who people maybe or judge or whatever. You're not afraid of it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:46

My theory on that is like if everybody likes you, then you're not being authentic. Because when you're authentic, not everybody's gonna like you. And that's okay, you know? And unfortunately, we live in a world where everybody's fucking performing, right? Everybody's performing. I was talking to my brother-in-law and he was like, but he grew up in this like an eighth poll. And so he talks like he can talk very ghetto, you know. And he's like, but I don't want to talk like that anymore. Like, I want to change. And I'm like, why? You can still be who you are and be professional and be kind and be a good person. Like, you don't need to change who you are, right? That that would be you performing. Is there a place and time where you swear where you don't? Yes, absolutely, right? In a professional setting, you're not going to be swearing and cussing, right? But that doesn't mean you need to change who you are, right? You need to be yourself at all times.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:36

I think it's okay to change who you are and honor where you've been, like and honor where you came from, and honor that doesn't, it's that you're not ashamed of it, right? You know, it's up to who you are.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:48

Yes, but also like, so he was talking about changing him, his whole like the way he talks. And like when he goes back, because he says, when I go back to the town, he's like, all of a sudden I start talking like that again. I don't want to do that. Why? No, because that's who you are. You know, you're feeling at home, you're feeling comfortable. That's who you are. There's nothing wrong with it. As long as you know, like, I'm not gonna use these words, obviously, if I'm trying to pitch a business or something, obviously, right? I'm like, there's a difference there, but you don't need to completely change everything about you, right? You don't need to stop listening to rap. You don't need to stop listening to hip-hop because you want to evolve, right? Like I still listen to rap. I still listen to Tupac. I still listen to all these things, right? That doesn't mean that I'm changing who I am. You just evolve and you take little bits and pieces of you were, you know, and just add it on there. And it's just part of who I am. Like I'm in the United States. That doesn't mean I'm not gonna speak Spanish, right? It's who I am, right? Yeah, we're in America and people speak English, but I can still choose to speak Spanish at home and other, you know, like it's just who I am. So I was just kind of like adding that to him because I feel like a lot of times people feel like they have to become or like totally like mask who they really are, right? In order to fit in. And no, I think we need to be more acceptant as who everybody is and we're all unique. I think that is the most dopest thing of being a human, is to be unique, to be yourself, to be different, right? And if people don't like you, if you make people uncomfortable, fuck it. You know? It's their shit to deal with, not yours.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:23

Authenticity, I think, is being okay with being different and being born to stand out instead of sitting in. I think we're in this interesting moment in time, especially on social media, where it's like we all want to be the same and do what's trending, but then it becomes the opposite of like the more you are true to who you are and you stand in that and you own that, you're gonna be different compared to everybody else, which is gonna make you stand out, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:08:43

And more longevity in anything that way because it actually brings your uniqueness now. And I'll explain this to some dudes about dating, right? And I was like, what makes someone attractive? I told a couple guys, and they're like, What do you mean? I said, uniqueness, right? Why? Because it's rare. So I see why are women and men so attracted to people with colored eyes? Why? Because the percentages are low of humans that have colored eyes. So that's what makes it attractive. And I had told them, look around the room, nobody has long hair, right? And then they was like, I said, regardless that you think this is ugly, regardless, whatever, in quotations, it's actually more attractive because less people have it. Anything less of is more attractive. And I was trying to tell them, and that's you being authentic. They're more you're authentic and you're not trending. You're not trying, you're actually more attractive and become magnetic. Yeah. So I told I was trying to explain to I was trying to explain to them that this is why people subconsciously don't know, like, well, why am I so beered towards this woman with colored eye? Why? Why? Because you're seeing something that is a low percentage, right? And that goes with anything with content. You see people's content, you're like, man, this is like the same old shit. This is the same trending video that I seen with like the 40 different people. But then you see somebody different and saying something crazy or or speaking erratically, but like it makes a lot of sense. All of a sudden, you're like, why do I listen to the things he said? Because he's not in the trending video state and it becomes more attractive.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:22

And I love that currently on social media because I think it is how social media used to be, where it's like the underdog or the person actually telling you like it is, like that's getting more traction right now. And I love that because I think it's just very exciting for, you know, it's not all the bigwig people who are saying all the things that they think they're supposed to say to market, right? It's the people who are just shooting the shit, who are just telling it like it is, that there's actually room for that, right? That there is room for that, that people do want it. And I think that's a really cool moment in time right now on social media and that the market's open. You have something to say, go fucking say it, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:00

Like But it's always been that way. It's always been that way because I think people get caught up on numbers. But mind you, if you walked outside and 10 people wrote comments, good things about you, and are like, you know, on social media, 10 people could write you 10 comments. And you're like, wow, man, these people get hundreds of comments. But if you walked outside and 10 people told me in my building, Frank, you're out there. Imagine 10 people outside and you'd be like, whoa, you would be like, oh my God, I'm making a change.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:30

Our brain also like always is gonna have like a negativity bias, right? So it's like we're always gonna be like, you have to train your brain out of it of comparing your 10 comments to someone's 100 comments, but 10 people still got something out of your comments. And isn't that a good thing? Yes, right. 10 people still saw that, commented, who cares you didn't get 100? You still got 10. You have somewhere. One person, even though one person.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:53

I I always say if I post something, I get one person that liked something. One person, I did my job. Because somebody could have got inspiration of a quote that I came up with right before I went to sleep and then wrote it and then made a post or whatever, right? But if somebody liked it, they're actually connecting with what I wrote.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:14

Right, with what I said.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:15

And helping one person is better than helping no one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:19

We keep ourselves small, right? Because of our own fear, because of our own thinking. When we could be an expander for a lot of people, and that's a good thing, right? You are responsible for your happiness, your light, your authenticity. Like that's what's needed in this world. And so our having these conversations will hopefully give people permission to be their biggest self, say what they want to say, you know, from a heartfelt place, obviously, that's gonna change the world. And we all have to start believing that and thinking that and knowing that there's enough out there for all of us, that we're not in competition with one another, that we can actually celebrate each other and someone else's win can actually be your own. Because at some point, the more you celebrate, the more some like you're gonna get celebration, right? The more you connect, the more people are gonna connect with you. The more you comment on other people's posts, the more people are probably gonna comment on yours, right? Like it's reciprocity, it's a give, it's take. You know, the the receiving is the giving, it's all the same.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:20

And can I say I always like your guys' videos?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:23

Thanks, Gabs. We appreciate your support. Well, it was great being on, guys. You guys are wonderful you guys are wonderful. I appreciate you guys always thinking about me to come on. And it's a lot of fun talking to you ladies. You guys are definitely great. Thank you. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:37

Bye, Frank. See you soon. Have a good weekend. Yeah, so what up, y'all? We are so thankful and excited that you're here. If you're loving the show, feeling the show, please think about sharing it with the friends who could also get something out of it. We're also asking for your help. If you could rate the show or write a review, that way we can grow and expand together. Reach the right people who need and are meant to hear this message. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review helps this show grow so much. We appreciate it more than you know. Thanks so much for supporting Relentlessly Authentic. This is raw unfiltered conversations on healing, identity shifts, nervous system regulation, and the messy middles that crack you open and change everything. New episodes every Wednesday.