You Don 't Need to Earn Your Worth : Healing Shame, Finding Yourself & Learning to Trust the Journey

What if your worth was never something you had to earn?

Not through success.
Not through productivity.
Not through proving yourself to everyone around you.

In this episode of Relentlessly Authentic, Rachael and Gaby sit down with a very special guest—Jess, Gabby’s former life coach—for a raw and transformative conversation about healing, self-worth, emotional growth, and the journey of becoming who you truly are.

Together, they reflect on Gaby’s transformation over the years:
moving through shame, guilt, fear, and resistance… and learning how to reconnect with herself in a deeper, more authentic way.

This conversation dives into the power of intuitive coaching, breathwork, mindfulness, and emotional awareness—and how real healing often happens slowly, quietly, and layer by layer.

We talk about:
– overcoming shame and self-judgment
– why self-worth cannot be tied to achievement or money
– navigating change and identity shifts
– the importance of asking for help
– trusting the coaching and healing process
– emotional resilience, rituals, and self-care
– living authentically and aligning with your truth

Jess also shares insight into the coaching relationship itself—how trust, intuition, and honest reflection can create profound breakthroughs and lasting transformation.

Because healing isn’t about becoming perfect.

It’s about learning how to stop abandoning yourself in the process of becoming.

This episode is a reminder that growth is messy, nonlinear, emotional, and deeply human… but also beautiful.

And sometimes the biggest breakthrough comes from realizing:
you were worthy all along.

If you’ve been struggling with self-worth, navigating change, or feeling disconnected from yourself—this conversation will meet you exactly where you are.

Your healing doesn’t begin when you become someone else—
it begins the moment you believe you are already worthy of love as you are.

Find Rachael on Instagram @highvibeyogii

Find Gaby on Instagram @rising.monarca and @gabrielafverdusco on Tik Tok 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Welcome, welcome back to Relentlessly Authentic. And today we have a guest. So good morning, Gab. Hello, Miss Jess. Welcome to the podcast. Hello. Thank you for having me. Oh my gosh, we've got a British accent on here, and I'm like over the fucking moon, man. It's gonna pop out at times. I'm gonna give it back to you, Jess. Like, I just love it.

SPEAKER_04 0:50

I'm ready for it. I'm ready. Honestly, I I'm so used to working with like people from North America that I actually forget that I don't sound like you. Yeah. Like I forget when you said that, it kind of I was like, oh yeah, I do have an accent, don't I? Yeah, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

The best accent. I know, it's just so beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 1:06

Let's get into it. I'm really really excited to be here though.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

So Yeah, Jess, how we usually start off is just kind of like dropping in a little bit. So would you be open to taking a breath with us and closing? I'd love to. Yeah, yeah. So let's all, if you're listening and you feel safe to, let's close down the eyes.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Just noticing your breath. The way it feels on the inhale. The calm on the exhale.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

Maybe your feet are firmly planted. Maybe it's a hand to your heart center, a hand to your belly or your womb space. And let's take a big inhale through our nose. Allow the belly to fill up. Maybe inhaling for a count of four. Three, two, one. Hold at the top for four. Three, two, one. And let's exhale through the mouth or the nose for six. Five, four, three, and one. Let's take one or two more rounds. Inhale through the nose for four. Three. Two. One. Holding at the top for four. Three. Two. One. Exhaling through the nose or mouth for six. Five. Four. Three. Two and one. And from this empty place at the bottom, maybe you want to hold your breath. Just feeling the presence, the stillness, the magic that we get to create in this moment, just with the power of our breath. Maybe notice any tingles along your skin, goosebumps, a shift in your energy, a shift in your state of mind, in your body. And with this intention, I hope we can go into this conversation. Give what feels true and real for us. Hopefully the listeners are getting exactly what they need. And when you feel called and ready and centered, we can blink open our eyes. Maybe the shoulders roll up and down the back. Yes, getting some stretching in. So welcome, Jess. For background information for anyone who's listening, I feel like we do have some yes supply girlies in here, actually. So me and Gabby met in a life coaching program. And Jess was our coach through that program. So we did a program through a company called Yes Supply through Reese. And I feel like a lot of people may know this program. And Jess was our coach who would how long was that? Three months, six months?

SPEAKER_03 3:56

I think it was six months.

SPEAKER_01 3:57

Thanks, Kevin. And so we would meet almost weekly with Jess. And then Gabby started working with Jess after that program was over and working one-on-one with Jess. So I feel like I will kind of let you guys take it away. I mean, Gab and Jess, you guys are so close. For listeners who can't see, I'm crossing my fingers because they're close. But yeah, Gabby, I mean, we posted yesterday about your transformation. Like, holy shit, Gab. So I don't know. Take it away. Where do we think that started?

SPEAKER_02 4:31

My transformation? Or like what made you want to work with Jess? I don't know. I felt like an instant connection to Jess when I started the program. Like it's one of those people that you just feel like I could trust. And like I felt very seen and supported all the time and just very attracted to her in that way. So when she was done, I remember I reached, I think I reached out to you, Jess, and I was like, hey, I was like, what is your coaching about or whatever? And you said, Oh my gosh, I actually just opened up two spots for if anybody wants to do coaching. And I was like, oh, I'll take one of them. And yeah, I worked with her for quite a long time.

SPEAKER_04 5:09

Yeah, we did like a lot of like different, like beyond, didn't we? We went all the places. I think that's why I'd open that space because I needed an outlet for like the more woo-woo, like the deep woo-woo. And you were just you were just like, let's go. And it was a lot of feeling.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

A lot of letting go, a lot of shame, guilt.

unknown 5:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:32

I feel like those are the two common things in my life have been shame and guilt, which I think is actually a lot for a lot of people. A lot of people.

SPEAKER_04 5:41

I used to see this vision of you all of the time. And I used to see this vision of you, and I'd be like, you're on a stage, you're telling your story. Yeah. I mean, and like this is when I think you would, you were still so in your shell, like you were still so hiding underneath the shame. And I'd be like, this vision, this vision. And the more I've watched you, the more I'm like, there she is.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

Because it's all you. You have gone in and done the work. You have put yourself out there all of the time to like, let's go in and do this. And you've never stopped. And I'm just so proud of you.

SPEAKER_02 6:16

Oh, thank you. Thank you. Yeah. And I just think, yeah, you would, I remember you, you, I think it was you and Amanda. And there was another woman that I used to see. Her name was Delicia. You guys would always say, like, you need to write a book. You need it, you need to be like, you're gonna be on the I remember just you went to a conference. I can't remember what it was. You got invited to like this big conference, and you came back and you were like, Gabby, you're like, as I was there, all I could see was you up.

SPEAKER_03 6:45

I remember exactly when the 10 times.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

I remember it was a four of thirty under 30. I was invited with my client and I was watching this amazing woman who has written a brilliant book called I Think You Should Fail. And her name is Picky Cole. Amazing. I highly recommend reading her book and listening to her. She's incredible. And she was talking on stage, and there was lots of celebrity speakers, and there's all these people, she was the one who just grabbed my heart. She was so real. She spoke about her real struggles. And I just I couldn't stop thinking of you. And I was like, if if you could just get that level of boldness, there is literally gonna be no stopping you. So yeah, I honestly think this is even now, this is just a start. And you know, both of you, I'm incredibly proud to have been a part, a tiny part in both of your journeys.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Well, I don't think you were a tiny part in mine. I think you were a pretty significant part in mine. I mean, I think that I owe so much to several people, and you are definitely at the top of that list, just in being supportive and always making me feel better and energy work. I mean, just so much different things. I think we talked about this last time, Rach, and it's hard to acknowledge your progress, right? And I think a lot of times that's why I do those posts because I like to go back and my camera and go back to the years and see, even in my kids, right? I like to go back to their photos and see how it's crazy to see like there's no change, no change, no change for like four or five years. And then all of a sudden, one year it's just like, whoa, you know, look at the change between this one year and then no change, no change, no change. And then it's like, whoa, again, like, look at the change. For me, it was just like there was no change for so many years. And it was just 2025 that was really the catalyst that just changed everything. And it was just me deciding, right? That I was gonna put myself first. That's all it was. And that I didn't need anything else that I didn't already have within me to make that change. It was just a decision I had to make. And I remember I went, that was the year that I went to the Danny Morrell conference and I came back and I was like, okay, it was my 45th birthday, and I sat my kids down and I said, I don't need anything for my birthday, I don't need anything gifts. All I want to tell you guys is that this year, after me, you come first. And they were kind of like, okay, whatever. They didn't really understand it until like now. And it took a little bit of work, you know, because I'd be like, Oh, I'm gonna be gone this weekend or I'm gonna do this. And they'd be like, You're always gone. And I'm like, this is exactly what I meant was that I'm gonna put myself first for the next year and to do the things I need to do for myself. And at first it was it was hard. I remember talking to you, Jess, and being like, It's so hard, like I feel so guilty, but it's gotten so much easier. It really has. And my kids are older too, so I think that really helps. I think when they're young, it's really, really hard to put yourself first for sure. But they are older and yeah, doing the work. The work is never ending.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

I have a question, y'all. So, like, give us a some like barriers or some like ideas of like what a session would look like. So when you went to Jess and you started off, like, what were the hippie woo-woo things that you were doing, right? Like, can we have some context around that a bit?

SPEAKER_02 10:17

I think Yeah, I think go, Jess, tell her.

SPEAKER_04 10:21

No, I was gonna say, I think what I really do in those sort of sessions is tune in first, and then like I would try and come into every session with no, it's very easy, especially if we look at Gabby's story on paper, to put your coaching head on and be like, we need this and needed and make it very clinical. But I knew that, yeah, we need to go deeper. So it's really hard to sort of explain, but just tune in and then I would just get these intuitive hits of what needs to be said or done. And there's yeah, I only really do that with a few clients at a time. But when I am connected with that client, and it's not a magical power I have, I believe we all have this, right? When you're very connected with someone and you purely focus on that energy, something takes over, and so then we would be guided. So that's really like the woo-woo start. Like, I'd be like, I'm feeling this like heavy weight on your chest. Then I would ask that that would be the guiding thing that would move us into this is shame. And then we might move, we might chant, we might scream, we might do some techniques, we might do some healing. We're just gonna do stuff, and then I would always give Abby stuff to do in between, and that might be like moisturize every night, you know, just stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

Yeah, it was it was very much like that. Like she'd say, Okay, the day before she'd be like, I have such a good session planned, da da da. And then she'd get there and she'd be like, We're not doing that. She's like, We're not doing that. She's like, X that we're not doing that. Like, I'm feeling your shoulder, my shoulders are heavier. Let's do a little bit of healing. And so we'd kind of dive into a little bit of reiki and meditation at the beginning sometimes. And you know, sometimes I'd just come and we'd just talk and I'd just decompress and vent, and she'd kind of just take it all in and do some healing at the end. And sometimes it would be me. I'm never gonna forget the time that I came and I had so much, like I was carrying just so much shame and just feeling lots of unworthiness. She told me we are gonna release that shame today. And I said, Okay, what are we gonna do? And she had me grab a pillow and scream into the pillow, and then I was like, I would allow myself, she's like, you have to allow yourself to feel the shame. You have to allow yourself to feel the guilt rise. She's like, and feel it. And then she's like, You're gonna slam that pillow on the floor and say that I release you and do it over and over and over. And you get to a point where you're just like crying and screaming and just like letting all of that nastiness that is in negativity that is trapped within your body that continues to like just echo and move through you to in order to release it. But I do think a lot of things were delayed. I don't think many times there was nothing I felt then. It was always like a few days later that I would feel a lot of like the moments, the aha moments, you know, and feel better. The same thing with breath work, Rach.

SPEAKER_01 13:18

I was just gonna say this. This is an important piece because I think sometimes we can put a layer of what we think coaching is or what the tool and technique is supposed to feel like in the moment. But the reality of that is you don't really always feel that same moment. I think I said about Danny Morell, like the ceremony isn't over just when the session is over, right? It's like you take things into your real life, and then all of a sudden the wave of emotion hits or that energy hits, or you get that reflective aha moment. So I just wanted to throw that in, Gab. So yeah, please keep going.

SPEAKER_02 13:51

A lot of it is delayed. I will say that. And I like to say that a lot because a lot of people think like, oh, I didn't really feel anything. I went to do energy work and nothing really happened, and it's like a hoax. And it's like, no, it takes a few days for so you're making space, right? As you do the energy work, you're making space and it takes a few days, two to three days, or sometimes even a week, for things to arise, and you're like, like you start to put the puzzle together. So I do like to say that because it's very true, but it's just Jess would always say, like, progress is progress, even small progress is progress, because there were often times that I'd be like, Jess, like I'm still like not doing anything, and I've been seeing you for this long, and like nothing is happening, and I'm just I feel like I'm not making progress, and I'm still feeling this, and I'm still feeling that, and the resistance is real.

SPEAKER_04 14:48

And that's the part of you which I experienced in myself and I experienced in a lot of people. I think the part of you that it's self-sabotage, it's like I'm not making enough progress because really your body's trying to say, let's give up. Yeah. Let's find another reason to not. And actually, that is signed to when people start saying, you know, when someone gives birth, they say there's that moment before it's about to go into active labor. There's a one moment where the woman says, I can't do it. I can't, I can't do it. And that when someone says to me, I'm not definitive moment. I'm like, we're there, we're nearly there. I we're nearly there. So I I actually get excited about that part. So I'm like, we're nearly there. But I can't necessarily say that because it just sounds like you don't necessarily want to hear that in that moment. So I'm like, I get it. Progress is progress, you move in the right direction. What do we need to do?

SPEAKER_03 15:36

But in my head, I'm like, um, and she was so good.

SPEAKER_02 15:39

Like, she'd always be like, Come on, you can you can do this because like and she would really like go back and be like, Look, you've been through this, you've been through that, you've been through this and this and this. And when you do that rage, when you sit there and you tell people like this is what you've been through and this is where you're at. Like, how are you not gonna get through this? I remember that day that she told me that she's like, This is the easy part, right? You've already been through the hardest parts of your life. This is the easy part. There's just no way you can't get through this after being through all of that. And those moments were really, really helpful. And just sometimes it's just taking one day at a time, taking one day at a time. And eventually I had my moment where I was like, all right, I'm gonna do this. And I mean, I'm still not where I I need to be. I'm I'm the work is ongoing, right? We're never done healing. That's the reality. But that moment that Jess talks about where you're just like, I can't do it, I can't do it. Is I think it is the definitive moment. You have a choice to make there. You have a choice to give up, right? Or you have a choice to keep going.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

And I think that's where the work really is. Like that's where the why we do the work for those moments, right? Where we have enough space to make a choice, where it's not our survival patterns anymore that are trying to come up, but it's like, am I gonna give my power to that or am I gonna actually choose a different behavior? Am I gonna choose to believe? Am I gonna choose to keep going? Am I gonna choose consistency? But that, like you said, Gab, that resistance. And I feel that resistance every single day that I do breath work. I'll sit on my phone for a little while, I'll do this, I'll do that, I'll distract myself because it's it's I will fucking love breath work. It's changed my entire life. But I still feel that resistance because it's not easy and it can be uncomfortable, and it's still the most profound thing that I've ever experienced, but I still feel that resistance to it. And I think that's a real thing. And I think most people feel that resistance. What's that book, The War of Art, where he goes into the resistance is the way? And I just find that to be very true. And the other thing I just wanted to touch on is that I think you two are a perfect example of like a coach and client who are meant to be, right? I think it's something very special when you do work with a client where you don't have to have things so organized because you're almost worried that the you're not prepared for the session. But it's actually more intuitive than that, where you can actually show up and say, hey, this is what I'm feeling. This is what I think we need or you need, and then facilitate that. But that takes a lot of trust on Gabby's side to trust you just to actually be able to lead that and do that. And for Gabby, for you to just go all in, right? And not overthink it too much and trust that Jess is holding that space for you and has your best interests at heart and loves and cares about you to and is holding that vision for you, Gabby, of like who you can be or who the person you're becoming, or the light at the end of the tunnel that you can't see right now. Like that's the reason to have a coach, right? So that they can hold that space for you, that light, that fire that is like, no, we're not fucking giving up. And like being that voice when the other voice inside your head that is the resistance is so loud. I think that's the big power of having those types of spaces and having a coach in your life is to hold that when you're already holding so much in your life, and that's not something you even have the capacity to like hold that light in for yourself at sometimes in our healing journey. And that's just really beautiful. And I just want to relate that to you guys.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

Honestly, I think we could probably talk the whole hour just about we could just need like maybe another podcast episode just where we talk about that because there's so much in that, and even for other coaches who are listening, like for me, yeah. As soon as I unlocked that, oh, I I don't have to follow a structure. I get to follow, that's the only way I work now. It's the only way I work. I just got hired into be a co-coach in somebody else's membership. And I I'm confident enough at this point to turn around and say, this is what works for me. I don't work well when it's too pre-planned because that's just not the nature of how I work. Some people work really well that way, that's fine.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

But I think it's funny session happens when you do that. Giving space for that, Jess, because I think even if you're not like a coach one-on-one, if you're a yoga teacher, a Pilates teacher, if you hold space in any regard, I think it is very implemented and conditioned into us when we're in training that you want to be very prepared. And here's your plan and here's your sequence. And I think again, that works for a type A type of person, but I think a type B type of person should be encouraged to trust themselves. And I think that's where essentially what you're saying is like that's the hippie woo, is that you're inviting the divine to kind of come into the space and leap beyond the ego, beyond what I have planned. Can I actually just trust that I can be a vessel or this moment can be a divine moment if I just like actually put my ego aside and myself aside and just like be present with what's here in the moment and trust that and trust myself and move forward in that knowing. I think you get deeper like results or like a deeper feeling, a deeper bond, a deeper connection. And it doesn't mean like we always get this right, but I feel like the more we can throw away our own limiting negative beliefs, the more we can just be a vessel to what's present and ask to be like guided and you know the highest good of the all of everything, right? And I think that's the hippie woo, but I don't like that's just our soul kind of doing the speaking for us instead of like our ego of what we think we have to do and the plan. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:26

Yeah. And I think it loosens people up too. Like, even if you are a very type A person and you like it to be planned, sometimes that is blocking something magical that might happen. So for those kind of people who say have a plan and leave room. Leave room for a message, an intuitive hit, a question to elsewhere. Like that is teaching in any capacity, even if you're like a school teacher, I think that's a good rule to live by. Leave space for something. Cause often the tangent or the question like lead. You to something really memorable and really special.

SPEAKER_02 22:03

Yeah, and I think the mad that's where the magic lives. It doesn't live in controlled spaces. It lives in in slow. Yeah, it lives in the surrender. It lives in the gray area, right? That's where everything really like exposes itself to you for you to be able to like really drop in and connect with yourself. Because I find I'm not a type A person at all. Like I'm just a big hot mess. But I've learned to like that about myself. I've learned to be like, today I don't want to go to work. Today I'm gonna call in sick and I'm just gonna go to the beach. And I'm just gonna, because at the end of the day, I'm 46 years old. And if I don't go to the beach, if I don't allow myself to have a day to go to the beach now, then when am I gonna do it? We don't ever know how long we're gonna live. You know, I've I've had many moments in life when I wasn't sure how long I had to live, right? And I think that we talked about this last time, Rach. We talked about the butterfly, right? How it goes through this process to become a butterfly, and then it only has two weeks to fly and really enjoy its life. And I resonate a lot with that. And I'm like, well, fuck. My two weeks are gonna be filled with all kinds of shenanigans. It's not gonna be going to work every day. And to surround myself around people that light me up, that give me freedom, that make me feel all the things that I want to feel, that that I that I feel a connection to, right? And fuck everybody else, you know, everybody else that like I don't care if you're family, if you're this, if you're that, like if you're not making me feel like we have a connection, then I'm I love you, but I'm gonna love you at a distance, right? And I've allowed it to be okay for me to be okay with that lifestyle. Of course, it's a lifestyle that not everybody agrees with, but guess what? Like this next half of my life, I get to choose. I'm the narrator, I'm the writer, I'm the all of it.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

And I get to choose a character.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

Yeah, I get to choose who I want to be. And I do that every day. I ask myself, who do I want to be, right? Do I want to dress up? Do I want to wear jeans? Do I want to wear sweats? Like, who do I want to be today? And that's what I choose to wear. And sometimes I go to work with the kids and I'm all dressed up. And they're like, Where are you going? People are like, where are you going? And I'm like, I'm going into my life. Like, I'm living my life. And this is what I feel like wearing. Sometimes it's like a lacy tank top, and it's a little bit more sensual, and that's just how I feel that day. Sometimes it's a hoodie and sweatpants, and I just want to be comfy. Sometimes it's jeans, a hat, and a sports shirt. Like whatever. I get to live my life. I get to dress and look the way I want to be. Sometimes I do my makeup, all my makeup and my hair, and I do look like I'm going to a party or something, but I'm a fucking celebration. This life is a celebration, you know? I kind of and if we don't, if we don't do this for ourselves, nobody's gonna do it for us. So we need to allow ourselves to do this for ourselves and we need to walk like we own it.

SPEAKER_04 25:22

And you taught me that, Jess. A transcript of everything you just said and make you loads of Instagram quotes because I would have shared everything. Yeah, just amazing content there. I know. I I know and the fucking celebration, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 25:36

I know, iconic. Iconic 100%.

SPEAKER_02 25:39

Yeah, but yes, I think it was these moments, Jess. I did you I I was I want to circle back to how you said, like I told her to put lotion. It was it was really those moments that those all those little moments that added up, right? Between you and Portia, the the other woman who I did like a 12-week sex and embodiment container with that really helped me regain confidence in myself, you know, and see myself through a whole different lens. It was really about romanticizing myself, putting the lotion on, feeling the strokes of my hands on my body and embodying that kind of like goddess energy, right? Embodying all of that, taking the baths, putting the rose petals in the bath, the oils, the the bubble bath, all of these things is like making everything a ritual was really key in me showing up for myself because I'm taking the time, I'm putting a lot of energy into this. So when I step foot into that bath, you just get to like relish in it.

SPEAKER_04 26:48

Yeah, you get to relish it. It kind of goes back to like what you said earlier about the like in the middle sections as well. A lot would land. I think people miss this as transformation. Very rarely is transformation one big thing, it's actually the compound effect of all of these little things that build up. And I think Tony Robbins says it best, and it's always just stayed with me. I think it's just simple. We overestimate what we can do in a year and we underestimate what we can do in a decade. And I think with the world we live in, we're often in such a rush that we lose the moment. We lose the beauty, is the journey, the beauty is those little steps. That is what's creating who you want to be. The more we can get comfortable with the process of transforming and stop chasing the feeling of being transformed, right? The better life's gonna be. And I think that that belief has served me very well recently because you know, actually, this is the living. This is the part that we'll look back on with so much love when we're much older.

SPEAKER_01 27:53

So because life is the ritual, life is the ceremony, right? Like there's ceremony where we're being very intentional with the ceremony, breath work, coaching sessions, yoga, like whatever, ayahuasca, whatever your version of ceremony is. But the reality is that life is a ceremony, right? Like there's a beginning, there's an end. And like Gabby said, like, I'm a fucking celebration. And are you gonna choose to celebrate yourself every step along the way instead of putting the feeling of being transformed or being able to celebrate yourself or love yourself, like down the road when I lose the 10 pounds, when I do this, when I get successful, when I, you know, instead of putting it outside, what we're speaking into is okay, well, actually, how can you find that space and that feeling in the right here and the right now? And to me, it's that sense of like abundance is actually your aliveness. How alive you feel and how you can turn into that and turn that notch up is to me that same feeling of abundance. Your abundance is your aliveness, it's your vitality, it's your energy force. And that is something I think what I am hearing throughout Gab, like your whole kind of transformation is like getting to that feeling of just like being a fucking magical, abundant being, trusting in that, finding confidence in that, and moving from that place and choosing and deciding to do that. And how can I do that on a daily fucking basis? So to be my ritual of my reminder of how amazing, powerful, iconic, badass bitch I am.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

Yeah, yeah, that's that part. Boom!

SPEAKER_01 29:37

Okay, y'all. I'm interrupting this episode for something really exciting because I'm officially opening the applications for the abundance activation retreat in Greece. And honestly, this is gonna be such a fucking vibe. I'm so excited. I'm so excited about the women who are already joining. Uh, so if you are a soul who has been craving expansion, softness, adventure, sisterhood, healing, abundance, and a deeper connection to your feminine energy, this is your sign to join the vibe tribe in Greece. This is a seven-day yoga, Pilates, feminine embodiment retreat through the Greek islands for the woman who's tired of holding her entire life together through stress, pressure, overthinking, and survival mode, and is ready to step into a completely different energy. Because abundance isn't something you hustle for, it's something you open yourself up to receive. We'll move our bodies overlooking the sea, regulate our nervous system, dance under the stars, and have bougie boat days, deep conversations, incredible freaking Greek food, beach clubs, sunsets, healing, laughter, and the kind of experiences that generally change you forever. Because sometimes you don't need another tool, technique, or strategy. You need a new environment, you need a moment to pause, a new frequency, a new energy to help remind you of who you really are. After my first time in Greece, everything really shifted for me, not just externally, but internally. I trusted myself more, I trusted the universe more, I stopped forcing life so hard. I felt supported, guided, and deeply connected to creation, possibility, and magic. And that's exactly the energy, the vibe of this retreat. So you've been waiting for a sign to stop playing small, to start going after what you truly want, to start saying yes to your next big level, then this is it. You can apply or reach out to me via Instagram for more information. I seriously cannot wait for this experience and to experience this magic with you.

SPEAKER_04 32:11

I think how we move on, but I also think I've really noticed in myself and in others there's this attachment to doing the thing making me worthy. And I just like so if you miss your breath work, if you miss the breath work, or if you're not able to go to something, then you you're suddenly not feeling like you're doing it, or you're not, you know. So if you make your life meaningful, those things, of course, are important. Your breath work is important and doing the work is important, but they're not attached to your worthiness. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 32:44

For sure. For sure, because you have purpose and just the mundane, right? The mundane, the magic. And yeah, I mean, I agree. I just think it takes that level of awareness and that level of presence to be able to slow down and kind of smell the roses on your walk and not always listening to a podcast, right? Or not always having to be to the level of so much productivity. And not saying it's unimportant. It absolutely is, but we also need the space to just be and to just breathe and to just know that we're worthy as a human because we are.

unknown 33:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

Point blank period, right? It's that's enough. I was listening to a podcast yesterday where a woman was talking about how she wanted to make her first hundred K in her coaching business, and she was telling this to her grandfather, and I'm gonna cry because I found this to be so sweet. And he's like, I'll love you regardless. And that just hit me so hard because we put so much pressure on ourselves. And the truth of the matter is the people who love us love us not because of any of the success that we find, it's because of who we are. And we're loving city.

SPEAKER_04 33:51

We've unlocked there's a whole rant in here about this from me. I don't want to like I'm ready for it. I have a whole thing. I mean, I love money goals. I think we should all be abundant, rich, and wealthy. So I'm just gonna say that first. Yeah? Agreed. I want everyone to be abundant, rich as fuck, wealthy is whatever they want. This is not against money, right? So I don't want it to be misunderstood. But let me tell you, as somebody who was on their way to their first six-figure yeah, I was a hot mess, okay? And what I have learned from going from that to living in my mum's spare room nearly bankrupt just six months later, is that if you make money mean something about you, you are not setting yourself up for success. If you make it too much the goal, so if you make I'm amazing because I just had my first 10k month, I was on a high, you know, that's amazing. Then when I had no money, I thought I was the fucking worst. I thought it was a failure, I thought I'd let everyone down. And that is not true.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Yeah, that is not true.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

Money goals are great, but there has to be more to it. And we can't say I'm anybody, I believe anybody can make a hundred K. Like that's it's not like a personal do you know what I mean? It's not like a personal magician. They've not gone and done it. Anyone can do it, so you can't you have to remove it from your worth, right? Yeah, yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

And I I think you're absolutely right, Jess. Like that's a big, but I can also validate your experience, right? Like that is a hard thing to be like, wow, I was about to make 6K and now I'm like that's a big contrast and difference, right? And so that I can imagine that rocking your sense of foundation and your sense of, yeah, not like worth is too strong of a word, right? But like your sense of like, okay, this was like a really big identity focus for me, right? Like I was focused on this, I was excited about it. And now I feel like I've gone like 10 steps back. There was a worth.

SPEAKER_04 35:59

I do think there was a worthiness piece though, because I think I felt that by doing that, I brought more to the family. I was able to make my son do things. I felt like that I was more worthy if I was providing in that way. I did feel that. So when I wasn't, and when it all went very much the opposite way, I did have to fight for my worth. But then it was a gift because I found even more in myself. Well, yet again, you know, it was these constant cycles. And then the identity piece, I think it was honestly, I think I was just way too focused on the wrong thing. I was way started to get way too focused as a coach. And this might be controversial to say, I started to get way too focused as a coach on how much business my money was making and not how much impact I was creating.

SPEAKER_01 36:44

Yeah. Yeah. But I think that's a I think that's valid. Like I think that valid like thing in terms of I think it's marketing, right? As a coach, it's like, oh well, you could be making this, right? And like that becomes the goal instead of like that becomes the marketing piece to like, you know, make you hungry, like you need my course, right? Because I can help you get there. Instead of it being actually what you and Gabby were just talking about, where they're the impact is in that fucking magic.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

That's you can have impact and be earning a lot of money. I know. Yeah, impact and like what Reese is doing is like, you know, she would always teach, you know, it has to be tied to a higher purpose, it has to be, and actually it will flow to you quicker and in a better way that is more regulated if you're connected with your purpose. But it's, you know, it's a real conversation to be having because who's to say, like the coach who's earning because like £2,000 a month having a great business is not wildly successful. You know, like the success piece isn't necessarily the number, it's the number we want and what we decide, you know, as well. So I just think it's a big conversation to be had there.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

I love that though. And I think it's something to be said because I think we all can look at the metric, whether it's the followers on Instagram or it's the likes on a post, or it's the money in the bank account, like, or it's how much you're working, right? Or your identity of your label of your job. You know, I think we all, regardless of what we're putting that emphasis on, can all get really tied to the title or to the thing or to the outcome. But the aliveness, the juiciness, the meaning, the purpose is found way beyond that. That's it in meaning that is such surface level. And though it's exciting, like some of those things can be exciting and we can celebrate them. But isn't it also worth celebrating, you know, the magic of wow, I have really great clients who I feel really fucking connected with? And that's a really big win. And the aesthetic of that doesn't really fucking matter, right? The meaning is what matters. Like those memories are what you're gonna hold on your deathbed, not your fucking X, Y, or Z title. It's gonna be the memories and the meaning in your heart, but that's not what we're sold.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

It's so important for us all to do the work on our self-worth outside of, you know, outside of achievement, outside of role, outside of title. When you continue to do that work, is like because you both mentioned a lot, and I totally agree, it's never done, it's like an ongoing thing. But you know, it's for me as a single mom, I've seen how easily, if you are not able to tune into your worth as a human, how easy you could make very bad decisions and trying to prove your worth or trying to get validation. And um, you know, it's I'm not saying I've always got it right, of course I haven't, but it's it's constant in whatever you're doing, the work is always to become the most secure version of you outside of those things, outside of the roles, outside of the achievements, outside the money, just become really self self-assured. I think that's the most important piece.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Yeah, and self-sourced, right? It's like you're being able to self-source your own safety. And I think that's really important, especially for anyone who has like some sort of entrepreneurial goals, because the money's gonna come and go, right? You're gonna have months where you are making a good amount.

SPEAKER_03 40:15

Money's a source of energy. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Yeah. But I think being able to be regulated enough to be like, this is just a part of the hard part. This is just like I still have safety. I'm still gonna be okay, regardless if it's a 1K month or a 10K month, you know, and that's very hard. But I think if someone who has an entrepreneurial spirit, I think that's a part of the lessons. And that's what we mean. I think when the healing isn't over, just because like we've worked through some of the trauma doesn't mean there's not another layer. And I truly believe that things are gonna be unlayered to you for the rest of your fucking life, right? Becoming a mom, doing these things, starting a business, you know, having kids and them teaching you lessons, right? I think there's always gonna be new layers that are revealed to us. I think trauma like gets a bad rap in terms of like being messy or chaotic or too much, or you're always crying, like some of those like adject, like those words, but it's a real thing, right? Like, and I I always think of this quote too of like healing takes time. And I don't believe that. I don't think he I don't believe that like things heal in time because then there wouldn't be generational trauma, right? It's like it wouldn't be passed down if healing just no, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Like it doesn't take time, but it does take time, you know. Yeah, it's like healing takes time, but healing does take time.

SPEAKER_04 41:40

Yes. Well, people say time heals, but I think when you haven't when you're when people say time heals, I think what they actually mean is your capacity to hold the pain strengthens. So it hasn't you haven't healed, you've just got used to the wounds.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

And the pain never goes away, right? The pain like that's really what's happened. You just got used to it. You learn a lot of times you learn to live with the pain, right? You then you you adapt because that's what we do. We pivot, we adapt, we pivot, we adapt over and over and over. And I think that you know, you learn to then you become more into in survival mode, right? Rather than actually living. And I think what Rachel is saying is very accurate in the sense, and we were just talking about this last episode, right? You were talking about how hard it is to sustain living on this frequency that we are on, right? It's like you get thrown off the frequency with things that happen in the 3D world, you know, and it's really hard to maintain that level of vibe, right? Where you're just like everything, like no matter what happens, I'm fine because I was there for a long time. And you have to continuously be doing the work to stay there, right? And it's not just like just said, it's not just one thing. It's like a conjunction of so many different things. It's the journaling, it's the meditation, it's the listening to high frequency music, it's surrounding yourself by the right people, it's doing the work within yourself, right? Redirecting your thoughts, not allowing yourself to fall back into patterns, behavior patterns, it's being in nature. I mean, it's just so much that goes into you being able to sustain that level of frequency to be living at, you know, and be able to live kind of like I said, right? Where you're you're not really focusing on what's in front of you, but you're focusing on what's up here, right? Like your vision.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

I really think that whether people feel funny when you talk about face, but I mean any face, like any face in something that takes it away from you are the only thing in control. I think it's wildly important. I think like you might say God, you might say universe. Might have a different religion, you might be Muslim, Buddhist. You might have no religion but have a really strong belief. But I think we underestimate faith, we underestimate hydration, we underestimate sleep and unity, and you know, getting outside. Sometimes we get so busy in the doing of the rituals that sometimes we forget these are the basic human needs that have always existed. Let me make sure I'm filling those as well. You know, there's been times in my most recent healing journey, I haven't done any of their stuff, but I have had a beautiful community. I have really poured into my faith. I have gone right, I'm feeling right out of work. I need to have some good night's sleep. You know, all of these different things are really important too.

SPEAKER_01 44:40

And I think there's points in life, like I felt this in my yoga journey where I was on the yoga mat every single fucking day. And then that wasn't what I needed anymore. And then I think it's okay on your spiritual path that different tools, techniques, habits, those things change over time. And that's okay. And it's you just trust yourself and your intuition that this is what I need now. And then you do that until that something else comes up. Yeah. And you don't always have to like overthink it or overanalyze it. You just naturally follow your knowing, right? You just naturally follow your knowing. This is what I need right now. This is what lights me up, this is what's fulfilling me. And I don't have to over-explain it. I don't have to overthink it. And that's okay. And when the next rule comes in, that's the next thing. And that's just life. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

I mean, that is what evolving is. That is what evolving is. We're not going to be the same version of ourselves every single month. Like I'm so open to being like, okay, I was into this, now I'm not into that, you know? And yeah, I have people be like, oh, first you were into this, then you're into that. Yeah, that's what growth is. You know, that's what happens when you have this rebirth process over and over, especially as a Scorpio. I think the rebirth, the transformation is constant, constant, constant, constant. Like there's a lot of change happening over and over and over and over. And I've learned to love that. I've learned to embody that and live in that, you know, and be okay with like, oh, you know, I don't want to do this anymore. And like I said, just allowing that flow into your life, right? I'm not into that anymore. I don't want to do that. I changed my mind. I don't want to go there. You know, yeah, a lot of times that stuff doesn't sit well with other individuals. But guess what? I'm the one that has to live my life, not them, right? I have to walk in my shoes. So if I don't want to be somewhere, if I change my mind and don't want to do something anymore, I'm allowed to do that. I'm allowed to do that. I wanted to read something that I had written. I think I sent it to Jess. I don't think I sent it to you, Rachel. But it was very much about life and its journey.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

I did send it to Jess. There it is. It says, today's reflections.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

As I sit in the heaviness of all the emotions I've carried through lifetimes, disguised as this one, I cannot help but feel the ache of existing in a world that at times feels foreign to the soul I know myself to be. I have poured devoted versions of myself into people, into spaces, into love, hoping some part of my essence would remain behind, like smudged ink upon sacred paper, hoping my tenderness, my depth, my devotion would awaken something dormant within others. But this rebirth process, it was never meant to be glamorous. Transformation is not always soft, candlelight and becoming. Sometimes it's the burial, sometimes it is the unraveling. Sometimes life isolates you, not because you're being punished, but because you are finally being planted. And what a sacred thing it is to be planted in darkness long enough to remember you were born to bloom towards light. We spend so much of this human experience worshiping exterior, skin, bodies, beauty, masks, while forgetting we are merely atoms dancing with consciousness, energy wrapped in flesh, soul temporarily wearing names, identities, and stories. True beauty lives in the shedding, in the death of old versions, in releasing the emotions that once made cages in the evolution of the soul itself. Like the moon, we too are psycho beings. We rise, we disappear, we become full, we become undone. Every day we return carrying a different light, a different shadow, a different understanding of ourselves. To reach alchemy, we must bow before our shadows instead of running from them. We must sit with grief long enough for it to transform into wisdom. There's no gold without the fire, no rebirth without surrender. Even the moon, in all her mystic beauty, surrenders to the divine orchestration of the cosmos. She does not compete with the sun. She trusts the sacred rhythm of the rise and retreat, knowing her power was never diminished by softness, but stillness, by stillness, or by allowing herself to be guided by something greater than ego. That is what we keep forgetting. We all arrived here carrying an assignment woven into our spirit long enough and long before we entered this body. But the noise of the world disconnects us from our remembering. So many souls spend their entire existence searching outside themselves for what was always waiting within. Maybe the real awakening is not becoming someone else at all, but finally remembering who we were before the world taught us to forget.

SPEAKER_01 50:20

But writing is definitely one of them.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

Your soul served. But I think that's like the theme I've been on lately, right? And there's so much frustration that lives in what I write because it's like if everyone could just get it, you know, if everyone could just get it, that we are a soul in a body, not a body in a soul, you know. And if we would just live from that perspective, if we would just live from a soul perspective, this whole world would be a whole different place. You know, it really would.

SPEAKER_04 51:04

Yeah. I think that's the hardest part. I think that's the journey, really. And even when you think you have, you then go, Oh, wait a sec. There it is again. There it is. I just did a really great leadership course, and I was there for two days with like the most incredible leaders, and it was so much about like sitting back and letting others it was so much about creating other leaders that it's not what leading you think leading is. You know, it's so much again, another layer of removing the ego from like leading means I have to be in charge and I have to be the one leading. And actually they're saying leading's stepping back, right?

SPEAKER_01 51:43

I think it's leading by example, right?

SPEAKER_04 51:45

It's like leadership is in every moment of every day for sure.

SPEAKER_01 51:49

Yeah. And I think it's I don't know this because I'm not like a mother yet, but it's, you know, you don't really teach your kids how to do something, you show them in your own being, right? Like they're not really gonna listen, they're gonna see, right? They're seeing and then copying what you're doing. And I think we all kind of can get conditioned that way. And I always felt this way, like holding spaces or classes or experiences or coaching. It's like I always felt like I had to lead by example, where like I can't expect others to do something that I'm not willing to do within myself. So kind of like going first, and then like you said, just like stepping back, right? And like allowing that space to be filled. And I think similarly, it's like I think we can get desperate to kind of fill the silences or fill the awkward moments. But actually, like if we can take a step back and just like let it you're actually like allowing more, like you're allowing Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:45

Like when I teach yes, supply, right? And yeah, we would do coaching demonstrations. Sometimes it would be awkward because I would like nobody would step in. And I know that I could step in and make it happen. Let me just someone said to me, Count count 10. Before you think you want, before you want to jump in and fix it, count 10 in your head. I like that. And in that 10, somebody would always step up and have a moment, you know, and I would have rubbed them from that moment. So it's just like really interesting to again, my ego would have wanted to be like help that person have that breakthrough. And then, like, yeah, but actually that taking a step back. So it's I think the one thing I'm taking from this conversation that we've had today is whatever it is you're doing, whatever part of your journey you are in, it's just constant. And that's I really think it's important to have friends in different generations. You know, I'm 35, I've got lots of friends at the moment in their 50s and 60s. A lot of women I'm obsessed with at the moment are in their 60s. I just think women in their 60s are just fucking insane. All the women I'm around who are in their 60s are so badass and so empowered and so, and like 60 isn't what it, you know, used to be. It's something totally different. I'm obsessed with them. I have a client, Penny Ferguson. She started the leadership course that I just took. She's 83. Wow. She is so enlightening, so powerful, so full that I just think having conversations with women of different generations, different walks of life is so important. And the one thing powerful for me is it's never ending, and that's how it's meant to be. And it gets to be great and fun on the way. Yeah. And on the way to what? Because if we're always evolving, what are we even on the way to?

SPEAKER_01 54:35

Enjoying the journey. Yeah. Like I think similar to what you were saying, Jess, earlier of like your story of then having to move in with back in with your parents, like we make that mean something because we tell a story about it. But actually, what if that was exactly what you needed and we were exactly where you were meant to be to send you into the next redirection, right? The rejection is just redirection, but we put our own story that that we tell, and then we feel those feelings in our body, and that's valid, but it's teaching you something.

SPEAKER_04 55:08

Yeah, mine, I'll never forget. I made friends with my neighbor at the time, and she said to me, I was at my neighbors. She and her mum had passed when she was very young. And, you know, I was sort of I was frustrated. I felt like a failure because I was also sharing a room with my son. I didn't want people to, you know, we can invite friends round, stuff like that. It just felt like and she said, Oh God, if my mum was alive, I'd be back back in with her for a heart in a heartbeat. And I went, Oh yeah, okay. And she didn't, it was just the conversation, she we were just chatting, you know. Yeah, and I came away and I was like, How lucky am I that I can move in with my mum while I need it for this time?

SPEAKER_00 55:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

How blessed am I? And then I just had this sense at that time that I would look back on that time with real fondness.

SPEAKER_03 55:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:53

And the truth is I didn't have the money, I didn't have the capacity to get my own place. My mum lives in London, I'd been living in America, I came out of that situation, not in a financially great place. The matter of fact is I moved in for financial reasons. The truth is I couldn't have done it without them. I couldn't, even if I couldn't have been going through that traumatic experience raising a two-year-old on my own. I wasn't ready. And you know, that years of my mom was perfect. Now I am in my home flat, and I sometimes think I wish I could move back here with my mom.

SPEAKER_02 56:27

And that's the reframe is like, you didn't have to move in with your mom. You got to move in with your mom. Yeah. I get to move in with my mom. Like I'm gonna be leaving. My son is going to college in a month and a half or so, and I'm gonna take off with him to go to Southern California, San Diego, and I get to move in with my dad.

SPEAKER_04 56:51

Yeah, I mean what a gift it is to make memories with. There's nothing like making close proximity memories like that. Like, you know, it really is a gift, and even in the moments it doesn't feel like it, you just ride them.

SPEAKER_03 57:04

Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_01 57:07

Gab, is there anything you want to share about what you wrote? Anything else you want to talk about in that regard?

SPEAKER_02 57:15

I think I wrote that this last week. I think, like I mentioned before, this last week was pretty brutal as far as emotions go. And like I said, I felt like I was very out of balance. I was very out of my element. Like I was like, what what what just happened? Why am I not where like where I was here yesterday, you know, and why am I here? Like, whoa, like what happened? And I think it was just a lot of, like we talked about, right? You do a lot of this work and you make space. And when you make space, you allow other things that you've been suppressing for so long to rise. And then on top of it, life happens, right? Things happen in life, and there was a lot going on in my surroundings with people and situations and lots of drama and stuff that really kind of magnified what I was feeling. And I felt like, my gosh, I just took 5,000 steps back because I'm feeling shame. I'm feeling guilt, I'm feeling sadness, I'm feeling scared, I'm feeling all these things that I hadn't felt in a long time. And I was so scared, I wasn't scared of feeling them. I like to honor those things. And I think it's beautiful to be able to feel these things because this allows me to witness my own humanness, you know, and to the capacity to me to be able to feel so deeply. But I was scared to stay there. I was scared to stay there because two, three days went by and I was still feeling and I started to get lots of anxiety, lots of anxiety around like, oh my gosh, I don't want to be here. I don't want to, I don't like this feeling, I don't like staying here, you know. And it was really when I just let go of needing to have control, right? And wanting to control that I don't want to feel this anymore and just letting it pass that everything started to kind of, you know, subside and feel into it and allow myself to whatever it was, to cry, to even throw up. I mean, it was bad. It was bad. I was like, this is a fucking the night of the dark night of the soul kind of thing, you know. And then just to not really have anybody to talk to here, like on a daily basis, right? At least not somebody that was gonna be like, I understand, you know, was pretty rough too. You know, my sister's in North Carolina, busy with her kids, and people have their lives, you know, and a lot of times they don't always have the capacity to be able to help you get through your moment because they're dealing with their own. So navigating that on my own, I think, was rough, you know. But I made it. You did, I made it, I made it, and that's kind of why I wrote that. That's kind of why I wrote that because I Are you sharing them?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:12

Are you sharing them online?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:15

No, I just I read the other one last episode. Rach asked me to read the other one. I don't know if you heard it, Jess. The one I read last time.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:25

Going on a drive today, so I might put on last week's episode.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:29

I think those heavy emotions or those chaotic moments in life or those steps back are wrong. And I think when we reframe them from them being wrong to them just being a part of the journey and there's nothing wrong about it, I think the more grace we can give ourselves in those moments, I think the more those intense feelings start to subside because we're validating our own internal experience and evalidating that it's okay that we're feeling that way, that there's nothing wrong about the moment. And sometimes like asking for help is a blessing, right? You got to ask your mom for help and have someone actually be there for you. Right. And I think sometimes, you know, Gabby, you've asked me for help at times. I think we have so many thoughts about what it means to ask for help and that it makes us wrong in some way or not good enough or it affects our worthiness. But it's actually such a beautiful thing for someone to be able to help another person. We want to help each other. Exactly. And, you know, if someone can't help you, it doesn't have anything to do with you, but more of like their capacity in the moment. But I think asking for help is also something that we all need to learn a part of the journey. And I think sometimes those times in life where we are almost like brought down a few pegs from where we wanted are actually a gift for another person, right? They're a gift for us. We don't see them at the time, but they're actually also for another person to be able to help us and for us to actually learn that lesson of like help is a part of the human experience. Yeah. And it's okay. And it, I know it feels uncomfortable, but it's okay. And I think we have to again find the capacity to ask for help, yeah, know that it's not affecting our sense of self-worth or mean anything about us other than we're a human who's not meant to hold this life all on our own. And I do think that is a huge lesson that we all need to learn. And I think that will bring us back to that more soul aligned place when actually we can ask for help and we can give help without expectation, where it's just a part of our natural way of being. Because when you read that to me, Gab, for me, that was about soul alignment. And I think all the work that we're talking about is about getting you to a place where you feel like you're in soul alignment and that even in that soul alignment, those rough times are gonna come. But that's a part of the human journey. And that is actually vital and important for your growth. And we've talked about this on this podcast a lot. But I really just feel like we can always hone in on it more because we all, it's a natural human experience. We all go through this, right? Perfect image online, this marketing. But the reality behind the screen is that we're all fucking human and we're all gonna struggle at times and we're all gonna ask for help and we're all gonna have things that are gonna come up in our life that are hard and chaotic and messy, but that doesn't mean they're wrong. Just because they're not aesthetic doesn't mean that there's anything that's not beautiful about them because it's a part of the human experience. And I love that we get to normalize that on this podcast because I think that's really important.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:39

Yeah, I think that, and like I said before in another episode, I think that's where our power lies. Yeah. I think our power lies in the shittiness. I think that that's why we're told to run away from addressing our fears, addressing our traumas, addressing our pain, because society knows that that's where our power lies. If we go head first and we're constantly going towards our fears, towards our traumas, towards our pain, we become empowered. And nothing can fuck with us, right? Because then we're not scared of anything. Fear is actually the thing that keeps us from anything we want to do, right? It keeps, it shrinks us, right? And I think that's where our power lies. And for me personally, one of the biggest things that really holds me back from asking for help a lot is the fear of rejection. I have such a big fear of rejection. Like I rather not, I rather figure shit out on my own than ask for help at times. Because if somebody says no, I right away internalize it. And I'm like, oh, like it's because of me. I'm learning to deal with that and be okay with rejection and know that it's not about me at all. Even when I want support. And I think Jess told me this a long time ago. One of my best friends is my cousin, Marissa. And she doesn't have the capacity to be able to, like, if she's going through stuff on her own, she doesn't have the capacity to be able to hold space for anyone else because she's already going through her own stuff. And I remember you told me, Jess, I was really upset because I'm constantly the one needing to reach out to her, to go over there and see her, to make the efforts to spend time with her. And I remember you telling me, like, I told her, but yet when she needs me, I'm always there. It doesn't matter what time she calls, I answer the phone. I go over there to see her. I make sure I check in on her. And I thought, that's not fair. Like, why do I always have to keep making that effort with her? And she doesn't make the same effort for me. And then when I need her and I'm a mess and I need to talk to someone, I call her and she doesn't answer the phone and she'll send me a message saying, Hey, I'm busy doing this, I'm busy doing that. And you told me Me just just because you have the capacity to be able to hold space for others, regardless of what the fuck is going on in your life, even if your shit is upside down and things are all bad, you can still hold space for others, doesn't mean other people have the same capacity to be able to do the same. And you told me, and I want you to look at this through a different angle. I want you to see that this is actually a gift that you have, you know? And just because you have this gift doesn't mean everybody else is gonna have the same gift. You have a gift to be able to hold space for others, regardless of what's going on in your life, where other people don't have the that gift to be able to do that. And when you told me that was that was such a great reframe for me because it really took a lot of the resentment out from me being like, fuck, man, like I always call her and she never answers the phone. Anytime I need her, she does she call me back two, three days later and I'm like, yeah, I don't fucking need you no more. I needed you then. And she just doesn't come down here very often at all. She just doesn't. So I think that and I've really changed that to Lee, uh reevaluated that a lot more lately, where I don't go over there as much anymore. I don't reach out as much and just really don't overextend myself, I guess you can say. And like the same energy you're putting out, I'm gonna put out.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:26

And I think that goes to like every human has strengths and weaknesses, right? And you have a certain area of really big strengths, and I'm sure your cousin does too. And she has an area where sh there are weaknesses. And I think that's an ability to give her grace, you know, Gab, and for you to know that like what when you're in a moment of need, she's not gonna be someone that you're gonna be able to call on. But it doesn't mean you can't have a good relationship. You just she's in a different area of the village, right? She's in a different area of your village, and that's okay. And yeah, that's what I kind of got.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:02

And everybody's in a different place in their journey. Yeah, everybody's in a different place, and just because I'm here doesn't mean I need to have the expectation that she will be there too. And I've learned I it really has taken the the whole like resentment out of all of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:17

Right. Because normally we're resenting as well because it's illuminating something, and I know we're wrapping up now, but like oftentimes it's it's highlighting something in ourselves that we're not doing for ourselves. So she said, but she's saying no quite easily. You're saying yes all the time. So yes, she doesn't have that capacity, and like that is your gift to keep giving is absolute. But also the message, there was a message in there saying, Maybe I should I need to start saying no. You know, so there's just like so many different things wrapped up in it, but your your wisdom is just so beautiful. So thank you.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:49

And I think it's kind of like martyrdom almost, and then like we want to wear like our martyrdom as like a part of our identity, but it's actually like stealing your energy and then you know, kind of like a people pleasing. But yeah, I've gotta run, Jess. I hope you'll come back. Thanks for being here. Of course, thanks for this. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed it. Yay! Thank you so much, and it's always a pleasure. I feel like you're actually the first woman guest that we've had. It's nice to have feminine energy. And I wanted to ask and talk about feminine energy, so maybe on the next one we can. Okay, let's do it. All right, love you, Jess. Love you guys so much. Have a good day, ladies. You too, Gab. What up, y'all? We are so thankful and excited that you're here. If you're loving the show, feeling the show, please think about sharing it with the friends who could also get something out of it. We're also asking for your help. If you could rate the show or write a review, that way we can grow and expand together. Reach the right people who need and are meant to hear this message. I know it's super easy not to do it, but every single rating and review helps this show grow so much. We appreciate it more than you know. Thanks so much for supporting Relentlessly Authentic. This is raw unfiltered conversations on healing, identity shifts, nervous system regulation, and the messy middles that crack you open and change everything. New episodes every Wednesday.